myratbrainmusings

Latest Posts by myratbrainmusings

feeling bad about how i look (again)

15 apr 2025

who knew in the big 25 id still hate how i look. i wish i was pretty enough to not have to worry about being pretty, not even like stop traffic gorgeous but just not absolutely horrified about someone looking at me. its not even acne or face fat or anything i was just born wrong. theres something wrong with me thats unfixable.

anyways,

what if ctommy hit his growth spurt in exile so not only was he fucking freezing and malnourished but the little bit of growing that he can do only serves to make his one set of clothes Not fit him anymore . tall like his brother was when he was alive and skeletal like his brother is when hes dead. does that make sense. what if that happeend

"I'm gay" "I'm straight" yea well I'm the son of poseidon??? I never asked to be?? but I'm the son of poseidon?? now face the tide inside of me??? smh

When Adam bit the apple he did it because he trusted Eve. Because he loved her. Adam bit into the apple because the woman he loved told him to, no matter what God said. No matter the rules of heaven. What's heaven to a woman's love anyway? What's God to your wife? The first sins of humanity, were trusting others. Eve trusted a snake, Adam trusted Eve, and I trust you. Maybe that's a sin, just like the first couple. Maybe everyone's right about us and we're sinners and we offend God. But like I said, what's God to a woman's love anyway? What has heaven got that I can't find sitting next to you on a cool autumn morning?

the stress the nhs would be under is CRAZY

next time I get this obsessive over/start liking a guy, I'm going to voluntarily sign myself into a mental institution as sam puckett did in that now deleted episode of iCarly, iLost My Mind, when she thought she was insane for liking the mr. freddie benson

i2

imagine him cuddling Sam like this while they’re sleeping 😭 i know she wanted to be that pillow so bad

annabeth chase is hated on the most because of the fact that she is the most 'human' out of all the characters.

like out of all the books (that she's present for) annabeth chase is the one who cries the most. she also experiences the most human emotions like jealousy, envy, anger, loss and grief (both for luke, before and after he died). the haters don't like that. they don't like a strong female lead who has emotions that makes her "weak." they want a female lead who throws her emotions away and is submissive does whatever the male lead wants her to do with no ability to think for herself.

the one emotion my girl is ALWAYS being shamed for is jealousy/envy of someone else as if we all haven't at one point in our lives been jealousy of someone. put your selves in her shoes before you start talking abt her.

no one has ever stuck around for her. she genuinely tried so hard to keep everyone that's ever come into her life and none of them have stuck around.

and then she meets percy jackson, a guy who she is NOT supposed to get along with because her mom hates him and she would be expected to hate him because she wants to make her mom proud and acknowledge her. and yet they go on a quest and she realizes that he's not that bad and they become best friends.

fast forward a couple of quests and he's proven to her that he will never leave her side and he isn't like the rest and then one day he shows up with some random mortal girl and then they take over her quest and she lets them, because its the only way to save camp, but that doesn't mean she has to be happy about it.

and then she has one more year with him before she loses him to the great prophecy and she doesn't even see him anymore because he spends all of his time away from camp. and she doesn't want them mad at each other but they just can't seem to get along and suddenly, if feels to her as if he's like everyone else, he found someone better than her and he left.

'oh but why didn't she realize that he had feelings for her earlier?' (dumbest question i've ever heard btw)

my girl only saw him 4-5 weeks out of the year (52 weeks), and that's why she genuinely couldn't tell if he liked her or not. and even if he did, did he like her in a 'i want to date you' way or a summer fling kinda way.

so NO annabeth chase slander will be tolerated.

no hmomo tho

that scene where cameron is high and pins chase against the wall is one of the most attractive things ever

watching house

25 Dec 2024

Thinking about symbolism while my hair air dries. Just girl things.

Anyways,

3 dec 2024

She had no idea what she was going to lose. Didn’t even stop to savour it.

Anyways,

I forget how much I love performing

16 apr 2024

Jamie opened tonight!! it was insane, that buzz that feeling you get inside I forget how real it is, like electricity is in the air and everyone’s joy is palpable. I’ll really miss this. This community, everyone is friends, I’ll talk to the people I wouldn’t normally talk to and you stay on stage left cramped in with everyone and it feels so real.

Anyways,

A massive wuss

3 dec 2024

I can’t watch sad movies- or any movies with pain

I have to look up the plot to every movie before I watch it because I hate being surprised by the ending and I can’t handle the suspense

And maybe that’s why I hate life: There’s no IMDB, no plot synopsis to check. The ending is unknowable.

Anyways,

"porn is a healthy expression of sexuality" you are like a terrorist to me

oh wow i’m in love with asa butterfeild and his BLUE ass eyes

I blame the boy

23 sept 2024

I both HATE and don’t know anything about physics. I blame adam. Fucking distracting me all year and THATS why I got a 5

Anyways,

Ugh… boys.

23 sept 2024

Apparently Louis was a racist in year 7??? I severely doubt he still is because of a mild aggression in year 7, still can never be too safe

Or maybe you can.

Anyways,

I need to the chained up the second autumn starts

14 sept 2024

The boys at school have starting wearing jumpers again. I should be chained up and only released when they’re in short sleeve shirts again. Send troops to contain this teenaged girl gnawing at a mid boy because he’s got a jumper on.

Anyways,

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down

cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

Being sick sucks so bad

13 aug 2024

I’ve been sick with some stomach flu recently and just remembered how horrible it is to need to throw up (it’s so bad) BUT the worst thing is that it’s been a week and I’ve not been able to stand up without being really nauseous?? Like if I stand up slowly it’s fine I just get a little ache but if I just go from laying to sitting up or sitting to standing too quickly I feel like vomiting AND SOMETIMES I DO

this sucks and I hate it here.

Anyways,

I think I feel homesick

29 Jul 2024

I keep going to different places and sleeping in new houses and for once I think I’m homesick and I just want a home. Not necessarily my home but somewhere to go back to after it all.

Anyways,

Rachel and Calypso both serve as opposing love interests to Annabeth that in the end would have not worked out in story because their relationships were both built off of Percy attempting to run away from a fundamental aspect of himself; being a half-blood.

The overarching theme of the original 5 pjo books is Percy coming to accept and ultimately choose this part of himself. In this essay I will-

But we’ve never actually had a conversation

I miss ginger

16 Jun 2024

It’s been so long since ginger stopped talking to me and I really miss her, I’ve seen her reposting and I just miss her and I think I’d take her back if she asked nicely because I just miss her so badly and I don’t even know why.

Anyways,

I feel freaky

9 jun 2024

Recently I’ve had the strange sensation of being a bug trapped in a jar. Like I’m a little cricket that a kid caught and is keeping in an old jar with holes poked in tinfoil covering the top. Strange sensation indeed…

Anyways,

hey i know i asked for constructive criticism but what i actually wanted was for you to tell me i'm extremely talented. and also pretty. sorry if that was unclear

This is what I get for dropping my phone

7 may 2024

There’s a green line down the left hand side of my phone. Annoying but it’s the price I pay for YouTube showers. This is girlhood

Anyways,

am i the coolest loser you know