Myratbrainmusings - My Rat Brain Musings

jack of all trades, master of none

28th dec 2023

yk how much better my life would be if i was really really good at one thing, im pretty mediocre at a lot of things but if i was really really good at one thing i think my quality of life would skyrocket.

also im not even like medium good at the things im good at, yeah im alright and i like them but what good is liking something when your 60% shitty at it and all you do all day is long for natural talent when thats never gonna come. i love writing but im not very good at it, i wish i could act, if i could swim my life would be great, hell if i was a long distance runner i would be happy. i just want do be good at something that isnt just feeling emotions very deeply and longing for something tangible. all my grades arent bad but arent good, im not a great friend, im not even that good of a person. i like things and have passion but no grit or determination because really if i didnt pick a career at 5 i think id spend the rest of my life starving in the crotch of a fig tree, wishing for some voice to tell me or for my heart to tell me but i dont even know what to do with my life past uni and thats if i scrape up good enough grades. i wish i didnt spend all my time laying there pretending that im someone im not.

anyways

i love the idea of percy just referring to everyone on olympus by their familiar relation to him.

grandpa kronos

uncle hades

cousin ares

everyone pause

18th feb 2024

look at walker scobell rn like go look up a picture and look at him. thats how old percy is when he becomes a hero of olympus for the first time. thats when percy reads the prophecy. imagine that little boy (is he older than me? yes? lets move on) reading that he is destined to die on his 16th birthday (right after telling us that hes so excited to get his drivers lisence ((stop im crying stop it stop it)) and he still goes and saves the world because what else will he do. RICKYWHENICATCHYOURICKY

anyways,

watching house

25 Dec 2024

Thinking about symbolism while my hair air dries. Just girl things.

Anyways,

Thinking about girls in vaguely homosexual friendships

31 mar 2024

Thinking about how I used to call my best friend maiden as a pet name and I can’t actually remember what she used to call me but I assume it was some pet name, and how I used to call another one of my friends some variation on honey as a pet name

Anyways,

i admit i want to be loved religiously and i don’t know what to do with my hands

no hmomo tho

that scene where cameron is high and pins chase against the wall is one of the most attractive things ever

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

This is what I get for dropping my phone

7 may 2024

There’s a green line down the left hand side of my phone. Annoying but it’s the price I pay for YouTube showers. This is girlhood

Anyways,

Rachel and Calypso both serve as opposing love interests to Annabeth that in the end would have not worked out in story because their relationships were both built off of Percy attempting to run away from a fundamental aspect of himself; being a half-blood.

The overarching theme of the original 5 pjo books is Percy coming to accept and ultimately choose this part of himself. In this essay I will-