Latest Posts by myratbrainmusings - Page 3

percy jackson and the olympians? no. percy jackson versus the olympians. he's gonna fucking murder the gods

HE IS NOT MINE HE HAS NEVER BEEN MINE HE WILL NEVER BE MINE

2nd feb 2024

HES WITH CHLOE FUCKING ALLEN. NOT JOKING NOT EVEN KIDDING NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. CHLOE TEXTS ME ABOUT THIS LIKE ITS A GOOD THING AND GREAT NEWS AND I SIT THERE CRYING DURING ACT 2 OF THE SJP PRODUCTION OF THE ADDAMS FAMILY (it was pretty crappy) ((i only realise the irony now)) AND I CRY AND CRY UNTIL ALL THAT IS LEFT IS RAGE. LIKE COME ON DUDE I KNOW IM NOT LITTLE MISS CONVENTIONAL BUT YOU HAD TO GO FOR THE LIVING EMBODIEMENT OF GIRL??? SHE IS LONG BLONDE HAIR AND LIP GLOSS AND BATH AND BODY WORKS AND IM SITTING HERE WITH MY SOUL TURNED INSIDE OUT BECAUSE ALL THE REASONS I LIKE HIM WERE THROWN OUT THE WINDOW (hes smart and funny and treats all girls like people even if he doesnt want to get with them) BECAUSE SHES SO PERFECT?? AND I CANT HATE HER?? SHE DOESNT HAVE THE LOVE FOR KNOWLEDGE OR LEARNING OR POETRY OR ART OR LITERATURE THAT DO BUT WHAT GOOD IS LOVING ALL THESE FORMS OF LOVE IF NO ONE LOVES ME? ALL I DO IS YEARN AND PINE AND FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I WISH I WAS NORMAL AND LIKED NORMAL GIRL STUFF I WISH I WAS MISS CONVENTIONAL NOW BECAUSE AT LEAST I COULD BE HIS FRIEND BUT NO IM A LONER LOSER WEIRDO AND I CAN NEVER ESCAPE THIS FATE IVE GOTTEN FOR MYSELF. THIS HASNT EVEN MADE ME WANT TO BEAT HIM AND WIN THE GAME THAT IS SCHOOL BECAUSE I WANT TO BE PRETTY AND DUMB AND HAVE BOYS LIKE ME BECAUSE OH MY GOD I CANNOT HAVE A BOY LIKE ME AND ITS INFURIATING. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO AT LEAST HAVE ONE PERSON PICK ME PLEASE I JUST WANT YOU TO WANT ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WANT ME ANYONE JUST WANT ME FOR ME AND THINK ITS CUTE AND ENDEARING AND IM JUST LIKE ANNABETH CHASE AND NOT LIKE I HAVE NO FRIENDS AND DONT WEAR MAKEUP BECAUSE I CAN BE EVERYTHNG YOU WANT IF YOU PROMISE TO WANT ME.

ALL THE SIGNS I THOUGHT WERE FOR ME WERE FOR HER, ALL THE STARES I WISHED WERE FOR ME WERE FOR HER, HE LOVES HER AND PROBABLY DOESNT EVEN KNOW MY NAME AND ITS YEAR 8 ALL OVER AGAIN AND IM A GIRL OBESSING OVER A BOY AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BECAUSE HE LIKES HER AND FORGETS WHO I AM THE SECOND I LEAVE THE ROOM AND I WANT TO DEFLATE AND HAVE THE GROUND SWALLOW ME UP AND JUST LIE THERE AND WALLOW IN SELF PITY BECAUSE BOO HOO A BOY DIDNT LIKE ME AND IM SO SAD AND MAD AND FULL OF RAGE AND HURT FOR SOMEONE THAT WAS NEVER EVER GOING TO BE MINE.

anyways,

i have a thing for ansel elgort

28th jan 2024

maybe ill go by baby when im grown up

anyways,

i appreciate the thought i really do

27th jan 2024

my dad got me a cactus with purple flowers because purple is my favourite colour, the flowers were fake and hot glued onto the very real very alive cactus.i pulled them off to get the hot glue off of the cactus and showed him how horrible it is that they hot glued flowers onto an alive plant, he says he got it because i like purple and now ive ripped the purple off. its some pained metaphor but its sweet how he tries

anyways,

something something annabeth being made the villan in every critial percabeth is icky

23rd jan 2024

every post ive seen that is critizing percabeth (do what you want i find it very interesting so see other perspectives) ALWAYS and i mean ALWAYS makes annabeth out to be an abusive demeaning belittleing bitch and for what reason? oh yeah because shes a girl (a smart strong girl) and percy is helpless and abused and weak and cant run away (a bad sterotype for abuse victims also but no one critizies that in the books just how annabeth is an abuser)

just a little weird to me thats all

anyways,

an old description writing

23rd jan 2024

but this is from like december i wanna say (13th november to be exact)

There is no wind. the salt is carried up to my nose in thick waves, no wind to blow it away. i slam the car door, old paint and rust crumble into my hand like ironic summer snowflakes. i swipe them away, turning to focus on the sea. the stone ledge burns and its sharp corners scrape my legs. i say nothing.

Almost i lie and say i see france, the shiny, salt coated swimmers paddling thier way across the channel, small sun-scorched children mimic french revolutions with sandcastles and cruel older brothers kick them over, revolution hungry seagulls swoop down chopping the heads off of chips. i remember the winters of gulls nesting far from the beach, where snow meets sand and the winter bite takes my mind away from the nausiatingly still day.

i remember winter, not too long ago, not long to come. violent whiplash between small giggles bubbling up from the beach and silent crunches of snow. grease lined smoke, thick smells and some gauge nostalgia always will break for crisp cold air, smoke rises from your mouth as you speak, i wish i could hear you speak, to ice capped waves, to salty snow, to frozen stone ledges where your clothes stick. you always hated summer and so i will in some Machiavellian remembrance of the person i used to know.

an alarm rings on my phone, the parking meter has run out. cold coins fall into the machine, ill have another hour. maybe ill plunge into the sea, swim as far as i can and stare back at the landscape of families and umbrellas, comedically oversized for the children underneath. an old church next to seemingly more rundown souvenir shops, the car i remember you driving in, the lampposts you tried to climb, the walls you spray painted. maybe ill go over to calais, join a family there with bright bathing suits and picnic baskets i can almost see now. its beautiful, the summer is beautiful.

anyways,

THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO A PERSON EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND HAPPENED TO ME

19th Jan 2024

Firstly, I was being very dramatic yesterday (when am I not) but when I walked out of chemistry (for the second time that day) ((after a too much to be a coincidence amount of hand touching but that’s for you to decide)) and meet kakak in the front of the auditorium and he walks past us, looks directly at her and DOESNT STOP UNTIL HES OUTSIDE. to the point that she points it out and asks who he is. i will bash my own head in. And at lunch she comes over to steal my food and all anyone can talk about is how gorgeous she is for the next ten minutes.

i am going to spend the rest of my life in her shadow.

anyways,

not even joking his eyes sparkled NOT EVEN JOKING

16th jan 2024

OH MY GOD OAIUWAEGASFO;BOAU;VERJVAUTEIGVBPW *screams into pillow* im actually tweaking. this is genuinely what brainrot is not even joking atp.

let me set the scene:

period 4 physics, we're all cutting sheets and adam goes, measure once cut once and i say isnt it measure twice cut once and i shit you not he turns to face me and smiles and says while giggling slightly "no" AND HIS EYES SPARKLED. LIKE ACTUALLY A GLITTER CROSSED OVER HIS EYES AND MY STOMACH DROPPED HES SO URGH AH HELP

anyways,

Something something pomegranate

10th Jan 2024

When you get the seeds out of a pomegranate you should put the whole thing underwater so when you accidentally burst a seed and the juice gets out it disperses into the water and doesn’t stain your hands (unrelated but it looks very shark movie when you do burst a seed underwater) but theres something so sad about it, here i am, tearing you apart, taking your seeds and leaving you without your innards yet your blood is an inconvenience to me, nothing more. you try and leave your mark and all i do is wash you away like it was nothing and your last screams and shouts to stain and claim me, your murderer, are left in reddish water that goes down the drain. seemed kinda poetic.

anyways,

ive enjoyed my rotting

3rd jan 2024

last day of holidays, im dreading school but its a cool sunny day with light winter rain like i can see spring on the other side of it, i wish i had longer to rest and love the world

anyways

sometimes i wish i was a musician

2nd jan 2024

i hope you get everything youve ever wanted

i hope every room you walk in feels haunted

by the presence of me

ghost of myself, burning incense, rid yourself of my love

this isnt about anyone im just angsty like that

jack of all trades, master of none

28th dec 2023

yk how much better my life would be if i was really really good at one thing, im pretty mediocre at a lot of things but if i was really really good at one thing i think my quality of life would skyrocket.

also im not even like medium good at the things im good at, yeah im alright and i like them but what good is liking something when your 60% shitty at it and all you do all day is long for natural talent when thats never gonna come. i love writing but im not very good at it, i wish i could act, if i could swim my life would be great, hell if i was a long distance runner i would be happy. i just want do be good at something that isnt just feeling emotions very deeply and longing for something tangible. all my grades arent bad but arent good, im not a great friend, im not even that good of a person. i like things and have passion but no grit or determination because really if i didnt pick a career at 5 i think id spend the rest of my life starving in the crotch of a fig tree, wishing for some voice to tell me or for my heart to tell me but i dont even know what to do with my life past uni and thats if i scrape up good enough grades. i wish i didnt spend all my time laying there pretending that im someone im not.

anyways

beauty is pain

28th dec 2023

my teeth are yellow but the gel in teeth whitening strips tastes gross and has a gross texture

i hate school (in a "there is no way this is what humans were made to do" way)

28th dec 2023

i was out walking to get stuff from the amazon lockers and thinking like "huh ive been so happy these past few days and ive been the calmest ever, i dont get random waves of soul destroying tiredness, i dont feel the urge to cry, ive been productive" and i tried to think what changed, the it hit me NO SCHOOL. ive had free and empty days to do whatever i see fit and no stress of doing homework while walking to lessons and its really solidified in my mind the idea that we as a species (assuming whoever reading this is human) really were not made for the grind. if i could spend my days studying what i please (i learned about ancient greek symbolism in hairstyles today, JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO BECAUSE HUMANS HAVE A INATE HUNGER FOR KNOWLEDGE) i would be so great and have the actual time of my life, like give me a packet of all the information i need to know by the end of the week and ill learn it and take tests and write essays and do it great because im not in a room full of randomers listening to another randomer talk for an hour then having to go and immeadately learn another topic and pay full and complete attention with NO BREAKS??? like i have break and lunch but am i a prisoner? do i only have outside exercise time and eating time? do humans really not need any breaks other than 35 minutes to eat????? i was not made for the grind and would excel at home education because the people in my lessons are absolute FUCKWADS yeah i said it. if i could do lessons alone i would be in ABSOLUTE BLISS at all time but noo i need socialization. well jokes on you me and the people in my head are having a wild time.

anyways

I am so down bad its not even funny anymore

27th dec 2023

i hate to admit it but walker scobell is kinda the king of my heart like i hate this for me but hes just kinda the king of my heart, and maybe i am just a 14 year old teenage girl who cant help but love the new boy of the month with my whole entire soul but i do. you have to remember though that when i like the boy of the month i do it in a different cool teen movie way and NOT in a everyone likes him so i do way yk so all my friends who say they like him do it in a parasocial relationships too attached to people on the internet who dont know they exist kind of way buy im cool and like have a shot bc im cool and wouldnt act like a fangirl and im cool and interesting yk? anyways percy jackson is coming out FAR too slow for my impatient self and i NEED capital N capital E capital E capital D NEED more content bc the amount of physic damage that i would get from watching a stream of him playing fortnite is actually crazy and i still have some self respect (ik ik its hard to believe) but if i dont get more interviews i will watch the watch party video again and again and again and rewatch episodes again and again because im just insane like that, and i kinda dont want to say this bc what if he sees this and my chances with him (that were DEFINITELY real to begin with and im not just hallucinating) would be SHOT,

anyways