An Old Description Writing
an old description writing
23rd jan 2024
but this is from like december i wanna say (13th november to be exact)
There is no wind. the salt is carried up to my nose in thick waves, no wind to blow it away. i slam the car door, old paint and rust crumble into my hand like ironic summer snowflakes. i swipe them away, turning to focus on the sea. the stone ledge burns and its sharp corners scrape my legs. i say nothing.
Almost i lie and say i see france, the shiny, salt coated swimmers paddling thier way across the channel, small sun-scorched children mimic french revolutions with sandcastles and cruel older brothers kick them over, revolution hungry seagulls swoop down chopping the heads off of chips. i remember the winters of gulls nesting far from the beach, where snow meets sand and the winter bite takes my mind away from the nausiatingly still day.
i remember winter, not too long ago, not long to come. violent whiplash between small giggles bubbling up from the beach and silent crunches of snow. grease lined smoke, thick smells and some gauge nostalgia always will break for crisp cold air, smoke rises from your mouth as you speak, i wish i could hear you speak, to ice capped waves, to salty snow, to frozen stone ledges where your clothes stick. you always hated summer and so i will in some Machiavellian remembrance of the person i used to know.
an alarm rings on my phone, the parking meter has run out. cold coins fall into the machine, ill have another hour. maybe ill plunge into the sea, swim as far as i can and stare back at the landscape of families and umbrellas, comedically oversized for the children underneath. an old church next to seemingly more rundown souvenir shops, the car i remember you driving in, the lampposts you tried to climb, the walls you spray painted. maybe ill go over to calais, join a family there with bright bathing suits and picnic baskets i can almost see now. its beautiful, the summer is beautiful.
anyways,
More Posts from Myratbrainmusings and Others
"porn is a healthy expression of sexuality" you are like a terrorist to me
LOVE ME PLEASE
10 mar 2024
WILL SOMEONE TRACE ALONG MY JAW ACROSS MY LIPS UP MY NOSE AND AROUND MY EYE WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TRACE FROM MY EAR ALONG MY COLLARBONE TO THE DIP BETWEEN THEM AND FEEL MY HEART BEAT LIKE THEY NEED TO COMMIT IT TO MEMORY LIKE THEYRE BEING TESTED ON THE BPM OF MY HEART AND THE TEXTURE OF MY SKIN LIKE THEY NEED TO SCULPT ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT AND OUTSIDE IN AGAIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Anyways,
3 dec 2024
She had no idea what she was going to lose. Didn’t even stop to savour it.
Anyways,
I forget how much I love performing
16 apr 2024
Jamie opened tonight!! it was insane, that buzz that feeling you get inside I forget how real it is, like electricity is in the air and everyone’s joy is palpable. I’ll really miss this. This community, everyone is friends, I’ll talk to the people I wouldn’t normally talk to and you stay on stage left cramped in with everyone and it feels so real.
Anyways,
watching house
25 Dec 2024
Thinking about symbolism while my hair air dries. Just girl things.
Anyways,
HE IS NOT MINE HE HAS NEVER BEEN MINE HE WILL NEVER BE MINE
2nd feb 2024
HES WITH CHLOE FUCKING ALLEN. NOT JOKING NOT EVEN KIDDING NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. CHLOE TEXTS ME ABOUT THIS LIKE ITS A GOOD THING AND GREAT NEWS AND I SIT THERE CRYING DURING ACT 2 OF THE SJP PRODUCTION OF THE ADDAMS FAMILY (it was pretty crappy) ((i only realise the irony now)) AND I CRY AND CRY UNTIL ALL THAT IS LEFT IS RAGE. LIKE COME ON DUDE I KNOW IM NOT LITTLE MISS CONVENTIONAL BUT YOU HAD TO GO FOR THE LIVING EMBODIEMENT OF GIRL??? SHE IS LONG BLONDE HAIR AND LIP GLOSS AND BATH AND BODY WORKS AND IM SITTING HERE WITH MY SOUL TURNED INSIDE OUT BECAUSE ALL THE REASONS I LIKE HIM WERE THROWN OUT THE WINDOW (hes smart and funny and treats all girls like people even if he doesnt want to get with them) BECAUSE SHES SO PERFECT?? AND I CANT HATE HER?? SHE DOESNT HAVE THE LOVE FOR KNOWLEDGE OR LEARNING OR POETRY OR ART OR LITERATURE THAT DO BUT WHAT GOOD IS LOVING ALL THESE FORMS OF LOVE IF NO ONE LOVES ME? ALL I DO IS YEARN AND PINE AND FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I WISH I WAS NORMAL AND LIKED NORMAL GIRL STUFF I WISH I WAS MISS CONVENTIONAL NOW BECAUSE AT LEAST I COULD BE HIS FRIEND BUT NO IM A LONER LOSER WEIRDO AND I CAN NEVER ESCAPE THIS FATE IVE GOTTEN FOR MYSELF. THIS HASNT EVEN MADE ME WANT TO BEAT HIM AND WIN THE GAME THAT IS SCHOOL BECAUSE I WANT TO BE PRETTY AND DUMB AND HAVE BOYS LIKE ME BECAUSE OH MY GOD I CANNOT HAVE A BOY LIKE ME AND ITS INFURIATING. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO AT LEAST HAVE ONE PERSON PICK ME PLEASE I JUST WANT YOU TO WANT ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WANT ME ANYONE JUST WANT ME FOR ME AND THINK ITS CUTE AND ENDEARING AND IM JUST LIKE ANNABETH CHASE AND NOT LIKE I HAVE NO FRIENDS AND DONT WEAR MAKEUP BECAUSE I CAN BE EVERYTHNG YOU WANT IF YOU PROMISE TO WANT ME.
ALL THE SIGNS I THOUGHT WERE FOR ME WERE FOR HER, ALL THE STARES I WISHED WERE FOR ME WERE FOR HER, HE LOVES HER AND PROBABLY DOESNT EVEN KNOW MY NAME AND ITS YEAR 8 ALL OVER AGAIN AND IM A GIRL OBESSING OVER A BOY AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BECAUSE HE LIKES HER AND FORGETS WHO I AM THE SECOND I LEAVE THE ROOM AND I WANT TO DEFLATE AND HAVE THE GROUND SWALLOW ME UP AND JUST LIE THERE AND WALLOW IN SELF PITY BECAUSE BOO HOO A BOY DIDNT LIKE ME AND IM SO SAD AND MAD AND FULL OF RAGE AND HURT FOR SOMEONE THAT WAS NEVER EVER GOING TO BE MINE.
anyways,
I miss ginger
16 Jun 2024
It’s been so long since ginger stopped talking to me and I really miss her, I’ve seen her reposting and I just miss her and I think I’d take her back if she asked nicely because I just miss her so badly and I don’t even know why.
Anyways,
no hmomo tho
that scene where cameron is high and pins chase against the wall is one of the most attractive things ever
I forget how much I love performing
16 apr 2024
Jamie opened tonight!! it was insane, that buzz that feeling you get inside I forget how real it is, like electricity is in the air and everyone’s joy is palpable. I’ll really miss this. This community, everyone is friends, I’ll talk to the people I wouldn’t normally talk to and you stay on stage left cramped in with everyone and it feels so real.
Anyways,
i hate school (in a "there is no way this is what humans were made to do" way)
28th dec 2023
i was out walking to get stuff from the amazon lockers and thinking like "huh ive been so happy these past few days and ive been the calmest ever, i dont get random waves of soul destroying tiredness, i dont feel the urge to cry, ive been productive" and i tried to think what changed, the it hit me NO SCHOOL. ive had free and empty days to do whatever i see fit and no stress of doing homework while walking to lessons and its really solidified in my mind the idea that we as a species (assuming whoever reading this is human) really were not made for the grind. if i could spend my days studying what i please (i learned about ancient greek symbolism in hairstyles today, JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO BECAUSE HUMANS HAVE A INATE HUNGER FOR KNOWLEDGE) i would be so great and have the actual time of my life, like give me a packet of all the information i need to know by the end of the week and ill learn it and take tests and write essays and do it great because im not in a room full of randomers listening to another randomer talk for an hour then having to go and immeadately learn another topic and pay full and complete attention with NO BREAKS??? like i have break and lunch but am i a prisoner? do i only have outside exercise time and eating time? do humans really not need any breaks other than 35 minutes to eat????? i was not made for the grind and would excel at home education because the people in my lessons are absolute FUCKWADS yeah i said it. if i could do lessons alone i would be in ABSOLUTE BLISS at all time but noo i need socialization. well jokes on you me and the people in my head are having a wild time.
anyways
the stress the nhs would be under is CRAZY
next time I get this obsessive over/start liking a guy, I'm going to voluntarily sign myself into a mental institution as sam puckett did in that now deleted episode of iCarly, iLost My Mind, when she thought she was insane for liking the mr. freddie benson
