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Skyrim/Witcher Crossover - Cicero Fuckeries

alright so i’m gonna make this its own post since I have a lot in mind for this specific lil scenario, and i don’t want to make a too big a text wall ajs;dlfkjasldk

just hear me out on this one, this would be a lot more entertaining than you might think

Cicero, Geralt and Jaskier first meet out on the road, out in front of the Loreius farm

Geralt was fully intent on ignoring Cicero’s call for help, but Jaskier is the one to be like “hey, why don’t we give this guy a hand?”

honestly the two prolly bicker a bit on what they should do but then Jaskier hits him with That Look and Geralt finally relents

Geralt helps up to the farm while Jaskier sticks around with Cicero, making small talk 

aint long for Geralt to come back down the hill with Loreius in tow - really not hard for him to change Loreius’s mind on the whole ordeal

Jaskier finds the little man very odd, but still fun to talk to 

Cicero also thinks he’s fun, but at the same time, i would not be surprised in the slightest if he’s lowkey plotting a murder - getting mother home stays his blade, of course, but if he has the free time? hmm… tempting, tempting indeed… 

Once Loreius is down there helping Cicero, Geralt starts to leave, but Cicero calls out to him, asks him to wait, before tossing a coin purse his way as a thank you

he accepts it without a word, and off Geralt and Jaskier go

Jaskier has no idea what’s up with Cicero, but Geralt knows there’s something definitely not right 

he wasn’t lying about his mother being in that box, as far as he could tell - his sharp sense of smell confirmed it - but there was just something… wrong. something dark. something evil

they don’t see each other again for a while, not until the Cure for Madness happens and Cicero is all alone in Dawnstar (assuming he’s been spared)

Geralt and Jaskier happen to be there, too, looking for work 

they’re in the tavern, with Jaskier playing tunes for coin and Geralt sitting alone at a table, watching him and takin swigs of his ale, and Cicero sees em and he’s just like !!!!!!

just scampers his tiny ass over to Geralt and plops down next to him with a big smile on his face 

“Well, well, well! Long time, no see, dearest Witcher! I was wondering if we’d ever cross paths again.”

“Cicero.” 

they chat up a storm - or more Cicero’s talking to him while Geralt listens and prolly says like… five words in one sentence at most

definitely asks about his mother, who Cicero simply says is enjoying her new home 

which confirms something on Geralt’s mind, but he keeps it to himself

Jaskier had seen the jester walk over to Geralt while he was performing, and once he’s done he goes over to say hello

ain’t long before it’s the three of them sittin there, chattin it up. Err, well, Cicero and Jaskier chatting it up while Geralt offers his most enlightening hmm’s

something something Cicero ends up more or less inviting himself along on the adventure since he, at that time between the Cure for Madness and the end of the DB questline, has nowhere else to be 

something something also tagging along so he can go through with his little Jaskier murder plot 

something something he does attempt to kill him a couple times but some thing or another foils it without him actually getting caught by the bard in question, or more importantly, Geralt 

mind you, Jaskier actually likes Cicero - as eccentric as the man is, he relates 

but then he hits him with the bard joke 

and poor Jaskier 

a lad is CONCERNED

HE’S TALKIN ABOUT SMASHIN LUTES AND BURNIN BARDS

starts sticking around Geralt a bit closer than usual

Cicero learns very, very quickly that you do not make murder jokes around Geralt 

he does not appreciate them 

he especially does not appreciate murder jokes about Jaskier 

Regardless of this, Cicero tries very hard to get Geralt to laugh when the three of them are out on the road 

he’s never seen him do anything more than smirk and “hmmph” in a way that he’s pretty sure was a laugh but isn’t positive on

he’s done countless jokes, no matter how well structured or not, desperate to get a chuckle, a smile, anything 

Usually doesn’t work, but Jaskier gets a kick out of most of em 

there’s some point in time where Cicero gives up on trying to kill Jaskier, for a couple of different reasons. 

One, Geralt Will Find Him. Cicero may have outrun Arnbjorn but he will not stand a chance against a Witcher. He knows this. 

Two, he’s found enough bloodshed travelling with these two to keep him contented 

Three - honestly? Jaskier is friend-shaped. He can never know about who or what Cicero actually is since saying anything about him would technically break one of the Tenets, but he’s helped Cicero out in ways he may never know

at some point, the trio are at a jarl’s palace, attending some celebration (prolly the “slaying” or Alduin or something to do with the Civil War, regardless if we’re taking Dragonborn!Geralt into account)

Jaskier gets harassed by someone, who claims he slept with their spouse the last time they were there 

Geralt steps in, tells em to fuck off, right

But Cicero’s watching from afar as the person leaves, and he walks over after they go with a grin on his face 

“Tsk tsk tsk tsk! Naughty, naughty, Jaskier! You ought to know better than to sleep with a noble’s lover! You’ve gotten yourself in a situation now, haven’t you?” 

Jaskier apologizes (kinda sarcastically, kinda awkwardly, not really sure where Cicero’s going with this)

and then the little fucker just hits him with

“Well… Geralt may scare them off for now, but… oh, what are you going to do if you’re alone, hmm?” 

his grin widens and he leans closer 

“Cicero could make sure they don’t come back. If you would like.” 

and Jaskier is just like “wat” for a solid couple of seconds before he realizes he’s talking MURDER

Jaskier appreciates and utilizes Cicero’s murderiness and you caN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE

HE IS A FERAL FUCKING BABY NOT AFRAID TO SEND THE LITTLE GREMLIN JESTER MAN OUT TO STAB A BITCH FOR HIM

AND CICERO THRIVES OFF JASKIER’S FERAL BABINESS BECAUSE IT’S A SIDE OF HIM HE NEVER SAW UNTIL NOW

and poor Geralt 

Geralt is very tired 

not only does he have to make sure Jaskier doesn’t get killed, he has to make sure Cicero doesn’t go out killing people himself 

the trio is often mockingly called the travelling circus by those living in the towns and cities they pass through 

Geralt knows Cicero’s Dark Brotherhood and caught on pretty early, but he actually doesn’t do anything, per se 

he keeps him in line as best he can when they’re travelling together - more or less makes sure he’s not killing people he shouldn’t be 

but he knows Cicero’s off to his own devices when he leaves to go do whatever it is he does before travelling again 

And, while he would NEVER openly admit it, he is aware the Dark Brotherhood is something of a necessary evil in Tamriel. From what he understands, they kill people, yes, but the ones they’re called upon to kill aren’t innocent people by any sense of the word. They’re slavers, they’re abusers, they’re corrupt politicians - the scum of the earth. Geralt (likely with a little bit of convincing from Jaskier if/when he finds out about Cicero’s true identity), tries his best to keep Cicero in line outside of the contracts he was once called upon to fulfill

I’m gonna leave it here for now and do separate interaction headcanon posts between Cicero and Geralt and Jaskier individually because this is a fucking huge text block but really tho 

i just fucking love the idea of the gremlin jester travelling with the gremlin bard and gremlin monster hunter. there is a chaos there that i’m thriving on

Paint Process: Bounce a Coin Off Your Witcher Timelapse

This is the 30 second speedy timelapse of the painting.

I post the full length timelapses on my Patreon now!

Bounce a Coin Off Your Witcher

—- —- —-

Henlo friends in The Witcher fandom!

I know I’ve shown up rather late to this fan space, but I’ve developed a nasty Geraskier brainrot recently and, well… you see what happened.

Will I draw more Witcher nonsense? Absolutely.

Also, I designed his adorable little doublet myself, complete with buttercup embroidery.

-Bursts through the doors of the fandom years and years late-

Jaskier is babygirl. I love himb.

WIP

is it so wrong of me to want all three seasons of The Witcher to be re-shot to focus solely on Geralt and Jaskier?

and also for it to be significantly gayer???

i just want monster-of-the-week with Geralt and Jaskier plodding around the Continent bitching at each other like an old married couple and giving each other sponge baths with maximum sexual tension, thanks. i mean plot is cool or whatever, but i could take it or leave it.

i'm gonna have to do some Geraskier fanart soon to assuage my yearning, clearly

Their daughter. 3.06 | 3.07

Do you think Jaskier’s lovers from before he was a travelling bard called him Jules? (Short for Julian) bc I think about this more than I should

they way you win is by having Jaskier the longest. Lambert once had him for six months, and no one has been able to beat that because Geralt has figured out their little game, so he makes sure to get to Jaskier as soon as possible

One year, as a prank on Geralt, everyone at Kaer Morhen decided to play a game they called "Pass the Bard."

The game starts in spring when one person has to locate Jaskier before Geralt does. They then travel with Jaskier until they encounter another witcher, whom they pass the Bard to.

The objective is to keep Jaskier away from Geralt for as long as possible.

TWN rant:

I'm kind of sick of the Henry Cavill fans in the TWN fandom- I understand you're angry that he left/was fired, but you don't have to ruin the fandom for everyone else. Some of us weren't watching for Henry and I think that's what they don't understand, (obviously I'm not talking about ALL Henry fans, but a lot of them) like Henry is not the only talented actor in that show, Freya, Anya, Joey, and Hugh were all INCREDIBLE in season 3, and I'm just tired of people telling me that the Witcher is dead without Henry, maybe it won't be as good as before but that doesn't mean it won't be decent. I just think we should chill out, and stop hating on people for liking, and wanting to watch seasons four and five. I think I'm just mad about all of my fandoms turning into toxic wastelands. But yeah, I just needed to channel my thoughts before I exploded.

Yennefer of Vengerberg. Currently watching Season 2 - two more episodes left!

Long time no see! Couldn't stop thinking about Yennefer of Vengerberg and that unused dress that didn't make it into the show.

Yennefer of Vengerberg I drew her during my second time watching The Witcher - I’ve been drawn in completely.

I’ve been drawing Yennefer (who is very important to me)

Started re-watching The Witcher this weekend, so here’s bath Geralt, featuring @savagegardenaesthetic‘s handwriting

A thought about the Seven Liberal Arts

(Or, I gush about science and what that means for Dandelion/Jaskier for too long)

So we know that overall Dandelion’s iterations from the games, books and whatnot have gone to Oxenfurt University to study the Liberals Arts. I thought upon seeing Dandelion’s diploma in-game and reading this, that I already knew what that was, but after reflecting on it I realized I didn’t actually know anything about them!  So if some of you didn’t know like me, the Seven Liberal Arts are  grammar, rhetoric, logic, arithmetic, geometry, music and astronomy.

And like, how freaking interesting. Sure, by the time Dandelion and his other adaptations were around I’d imagine Geometry, math and astronomy were not quite what they are today, but if I recall they were still considered pretty advanced subjects!

Algorithms were already invented by the Arabic people, as well as cryptography and algebra (though not as refined as it is right now due to the development of calculus and such other things). 

If Dandelion would learn them I think would depend, I don’t actually know if these reached Europe at the time (or if the circumstances of The Witcher universe might affect the creation of such things) but for some reason I’d like to think Dandelion would have learned cypher. 

  Pythagoras’s theorem were also been around for a long while and even on itself it’s one hell of a powerful tool (SO much of calculus/advanced geometry just comes from that one freaking equation it’s insane!!). Hell, someone measured the earth with great accuracy in the 3rd century BCE using only math! 

On more present discoveries, the Fibonacci sequence would have just been discovered in the 1200s. Does Dandelion learn of it, does he have an opinion?

But onto astronomy: what did we actually know at the time? A lot, actually, considering the modern telescope wasn’t invented by Galileo yet ! The earth had been found round for quite a while by now. Similarly they also knew the solar system was in a heliocentric model, but it was not used because the church wasn’t into it (something about the earth being in the center idk why they really cared man. some speculate it’s also because a lot of stuff was forgotten after the era of Hellenism, I kind of think it’s a mix of both.) Though considering the church doesn’t exist on the Continent and the Church of the Eternal Fire (who I’d argue are the in-world equivalent) don’t count me as the type to have enough power or have those kinds of value, I’d like to think they would not care about astronomy, and hence the heliocentric system wasn’t banned. All I’m amounting to is that I’d be curious to hear what Dandelion thinks the solar system looks like!

there was also a lot known about the planet’s movements (Retrogrades were well known), constellation, sky maps what have you at the time. Not to mention, everyone had been spooked by SN1054 (The Supernova that led to the Crab Nebula). Hearing the Continent’s reaction to some fuck-off “star” that was brighter than Venus showing up in the sky one spring evening would be pretty funny I bet. 

So since I do like the netflix rendition that would be quite funny to explore too. As someone who was thought some of the things listed above to a post-secondary level, I can assure you that no matter how dumb Jaskier acts he could still be well versed in everything mentioned above. There is this thing which I like to call Dumbass University Syndrome, which describes someone who can do whatever is necessary for the academic level pretty decently but besides that? Head completely empty. Dumb of Ass. (I’d like to point out I’m not calling out anyone here, as I myself have Dumbass University Syndrome)

On another note, Astronomy and such other subjects were actually oftentimes restricted to something only for high society and nobility. So on another very funny note, Witchers, who themselves are not nobles get disturbed by astronomy facts, specifically the ones you don’t notice unless you pay a lot of attention. 

So, in totality, imagine Jaskier who will walk in potential danger but somehow he’s also one hell of a clever cookie. Like, once he and Geralt were being threatened of having no coin at all. Jaskier had just scratched his chin, gone to write something down in his journal, came back and given Geralt a peice of paper with numbers scribbled on it. He told him: “Here. you follow that line. You don’t spend above that number. I follow this one.”

Follow the next week and it’s like they never even had a problem at all. Though it’s not the first time Jaskier had sat down with his travel book to write something and came up with a clever idea for once.

Geralt had came upon a pretty large ammount of herbs he needed. The Witcher is a pretty organized man but just organizing everything to stash them correctly was going to take all evening and he knew it.

In came Jaskier, who sat down with his booklet for maybe a few minutes, then sat next to Geralt and told him: “Make groups of two, side by side then combine the groups and sort them in alphabetical orders. like this. then you can organize by kinds”

It didn’t take an hour to organize the herbs.

There was also the time in which Geralt had ripped his shirt. The strip of linen he had was not long enough to repair it, until Jaskier took one look at the strip of fabric, scribbled something in his journal and showed it to Geralt. He’d drawn a rectangle tilted to ressemble a diamond shape. “What if you sew it on like that?”

it was long enough.

After a while Geralt decides to sneak a peek in Jaskier’s journal just to realize he literally can’t read anything in there because it’s all cypher (to ward off potential rivals from stealing his ideas).

Sometimes while they camp outside Jaskier will something look at the sky quietly. Then he’ll raise his hand and start comparing things to his fingers?? What was the bard doing?? He’ll note things down from time to time as well and it takes an ambarassing ammount of time for the Witcher to realize Jaskier’s observing the stars 

Sometimes when they meet after the winter he’d also talk about his opinion on the most recent solar system diagrams he read about in Oxenfurt. Geralt kind of hates it because if he was going to learn that the moon changed sizes or perhaps sometimes moved closer to them, he didn’t want to learn it from Jaskier.

Jaskier: So I told that man that that Geocentric system of his was completely moronic because How in the hell does it explain why Venus retrogrades? like what, are we just supposed to assume she likes going backwards every now and again??

Geralt, internally: What the Fuck, Venus goes backwards???

Jaskier: And what about Mercury? does he just follow Venus around for a bakward walk? And that buffoon has the galls to call himself an astronomer!

Geralt, sweating profusely: What the FUCK- 

Some day he meets Vesemir too.

Vesemir: So you know Astronomy! All right, then, heard of spring of 1054? What was up with that big glowing star that just showed up then disappeared?

Jaskier: Oh that one? we don’t actually-

Vesemir: What do you mean, you don’t know? A star dissapears maybe seventy years ago and you still don’t know why??

 lambert, who was just passing by: A STAR DISSAPEARED?

Jaksier: Yeah don’t worry about it it happens from time to times, though I’d never seen it, personally-

Vesemir: IT HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE?!

Geralt, disturbed: wait THEY CAN JUST DO THAT-

But then the very next minute the bard burns himself because of cauldron vapor because “it’s water, water can’t burn me!”. Geralt wonders, while he’s treating the bard’s burns, how the hell someone with so much academic knowledge could be so stupid.

Jaskier’s Fear

It’s come to my attention that many of us creating fan works for The Witcher concerning Jaskier like to portray him as fearless of Witchers from the get-go. This is all fine, I don’t judge, writing him/portraying him makes for some nice fanwork which I also enjoy but may I also suggest:

Jaskier starts off scared shitless of Witchers. Cause why wouldn’t he? almost every other human adult is to a degree. To mention, he is a noble. His opinions on the world and its intricacies are obviously based off books and stories distributed in the high circles. That much is obvious when he meets the elves; he accuses them of being selfish and hiding treasures in their golden palaces.

You know what says almost the exact same thing about elves? Books you can loot in the royal palace of Vizima. They paint as bad an image for dwarves and Witchers, too. Because of where they are found, I can’t help but conclude people interpret these works as factual and that they are distributed to high society.

So Jaskier, who learned at an academy and was raised by nobility, would have to have some opinion of Witchers from such books. When he goes out into the world, he has no experience with any of these things, so his current knowledge is limited to his readings, resulting in the statement with the elves.

Jaskier would fear witchers like everyone else. Because the books and his entourage just showed him that it was the right reaction. Obviously now, we are off to a bad start for him to build any form of relation with them.

But this is where Jaskier’s stubborn and perhaps self-destructive curiosity comes into play. If he’s curious, absolutely nothing, even great fear, will stop him from answers and discovery.

So as Jaskier’s travelling to discover the world, he walks up to a stranger in the back of a tavern. Obviously, his gut sinks when he realises the stranger is not only a Witcher, but the Butcher of Blaviken.

But terrified or not he is intrigued. He never saw a Witcher before. Geralt dosen’t look like what the bard pictured them to be at all. He boasts his identity to the whole tavern and what does Geralt do? he just runs off without a word. No aggression, no blood no nothing. He just stepped off.

What was up with that?

He wants answers. Despite how scared he is of him, he follows Geralt. He dosen’t relent when Geralt punches him, because Geralt didn’t kill him right there and then like he thought he would. He’s the Butcher of Blaviken and the stories paint him to be a bloodthirsty killer but he just lets him off like that?

Seriously, what was up with that?? He gets more curious.

When they get to the hunt and captured, Geralt is swift to try and protect him. His books though him Witchers were supposed to be careless but, but this one just threw himself in front of him and danger, no questions asked. It was… heroic, to say the least.

The fear shifts just a little bit at this notion. Now Geralt is still a big and cold witcher in his mind, but he is also somewhat of a protector.

They get freed and Jaskier decides he wants to know so much more. To his knowledge a witcher’s job was to kill, yet the Witcher riding his horse a few feet away from him did not kill anyone that day. Geralt meets none of his pre-built notion of witchers. He wants to know all of what the books got wrong, and he’ll sing about them too.

Then time passes and Jaskier’s view of Geralt goes from big scary witcher to just cold-hearted a bit later. Then he’s proven that’s not the case at all, because Geralt cares for his horse too much be cold-hearted. He saw him purposefully lose a fist fight to let a man get crowns to feed his family. Saw him soothe a child with his signs as they recalled his father getting shredded by a monster before is very eyes, and he does it so gently, kneeling at the kid’s level.

He concludes that beneath all that hard interior, the man cares. He cares so much that Jaskier a bit ashamed to he ever feared him. There existed not a single reason on the continent as of why he should. Sure, his exterior is intimidating and all that, but this was not what he was, deep down.

The association of safety and Geralt sticks to the bard after that.

Now the whole “he’s not scared” thing begins. Jaskier gets used to other Witchers mind-bogglingly quick and it is not ignored. Geralt’s brother immediately notice the human who has zero traces of fear. When questioned about it, the white one just blink, takes a whiff and says; “Oh, you’re right. He isn’t scared. Strange.” Because the change in Jaskier’s scent was slow and gradual. Geralt may have never really noticed the change before.

The bard isn’t scared because if Geralt dosen’t think they’re a threat, Jaskier reasons there’s no reasons for him to be. Besides, he learned his lesson of judging Witchers by appearance.

On his side, Geralt probably smelt how scared Jaskier was when they first met. He did not understand why the bard insisted on following him around if he feared him so much.

Admittedly, he is a bit intrigued too. So, he lets Jaskier run around him. He would just run off in horror eventually, anyway.

But he never does, even if the fear dosen’t subside. Geralt tests him, to see if Jaskier would flee if he were just mean enough, yelled loud enough, but the bard dosen’t relent. Instead he just bites back, sings louder when Geralt tells him to stop much more rudely than was necessary. He roughs him up, bats his shoulder, Jaskier just gets back up, says “ow.” Moves on. Hits back. He never just bends even if he is terrified.

Geralt eventually realises he cannot be rid of Jaskier. The tests are dropped. He notices how whenever Jaskier smells like fear, he hides behind him, after a while.

Geralt has no choice but to admit he was the reason of this because no one else was around to do such a thing. And I am sure as hell this realisation would affect him because someone who used to fear him greatly now associates him with safety and protection. Has it ever hit you someone found you safe enough to desire protection or help without you never doing anything but being yourself? To people like Geralt who have low self esteem, think they’re monsters or unworthy of things, that must be worth more all the riches there ever was.

Just food for thought but think!! About how much growth!! Jaskier and Geralt can just be used as an example too, imagine stories of random humans learning not all is what it seems and growing from it and Witchers realising those who stopped to get to know them treat them like normal people, like they’re important with no other explanation but the fact they’re actually good people deserving of respect?? It’s just so good!

Another thing that surprises me in this fandom is that I haven’t seen much of The Witcher fans talk about 1670. They have so much in common from the aesthetic to the polish culture presented in the show. And in my opinion the costume designs, soundtrack and cinematography are wayyy better than the Netflix Witcher show. 1670 feels a lot more like Witcher than the actual Netflix show. I bet the producers of 1670 would do a much better job at making their own adaptation of The Witcher.