Sdv Haley - Blog Posts

🌻 My favourite bachelorette

i like my women mean and my men breedable

I don't like how the birthdays from stardew valley are set up in the real world. Like most of December is in the fall according to the solstice but Sebastian's birthday is winter 10 and we've decided it's December 10th.

Nah, let's give all the characters accurate birthdays in accordance with the seasons.

I'll set it up 2 ways:

1. Taking the earliest dates of each solstice and equinox that defines the seasons and dividing that by 28 (number of days in a stardew valley season) then multiplied that number by the NPC's bday (I'll explain the math later)

2. Taking the average amount of days in-between each IRL season and dividing that by 28

Earliest dates are as follows:

Spring March 19

Summer June 20

Autumn September 21

Winter December 20

The length of each season in this method is

91 days for spring

93 days for summer

90 days for fall

90 days for winter

The average days in between is 91.5 days.

Dividing by 28 we get

3.25 Spring

3.32142857 Summer

3.2142857 Autumn / Winter

3.267857142857143 Average

These numbers are the difference between our real world dates and stardew valley dates

Our season are about 90 days long, their's are 28 days so

1 day for stardew players is about 3 days for us.

Now that we have these numbers let's find out how each day correlates to each villager.

It will be in order of earliest birthday to latest and will follow this format

NPC-Season-ingame Bday-Bday(method 1)-Bday(method 2)

Kent- Spring 4- Apr 1

Lewis- Spring 7- Apr 10

Vincent- Spring 10- Apr 20

Haley- Spring 14- May 3

Pam- Spring 18- May 16

Shane- Spring 20- May 23

Pierre- Spring 26- Jun 11

Emily- Spring 27- Jun 14- Jun 15

Jas- Summer 4- Jul 3

Gus- Summer 8- Jul 16

Maru- Summer 10- Jul 23- Jul 22

Alex- Summer 13- Aug 2- Aug 1

Sam- Summer 17- Aug 15- Aug 14

Demetrius- Summer 19- Aug 22- Aug 21

Dwarf- Summer 22- Sep 1-Aug 30

Willy- Summer 24- Sep 7- Sep 6

Leo- Summer 26- Sep 14- Sep 12

Penny- Autumn 2- Sep 27

Elliott- Autumn 5- Oct 7

Jodi- Autumn 11- Oct 26

Abigail- Autumn 13- Nov 1- Nov 2

Sandy- Autumn 15- Nov 8- Nov 9

Marnie- Autumn 18- Nov 17- Nov 18

Robin- Autumn 21- Nov 27- Nov 28

George- Autumn 24- Dec 7- Dec 8

Krobus- Winter 1- Dec 23

Linus- Winter 3- Dec 29

Caroline- Winter 7- Jan 11

Sebastian- Winter 10- Jan 21

Harvey- Winter 14- Feb 2- Feb 3

Wizard- Winter 17- Feb 12- Feb 13

Evelyn- Winter 20- Feb 22- Feb 23

Leah- Winter 23- Mar 3- Mar 5

Clint- Winter 26- Mar 13- Mar 14

If there is only one date on the NPC that means both dates are the same

I'd like to thank @cloverbug83 for helping with the math.

TL:DR The dates in stardew valley are incorrect and I updated them according to IRL seasons.

CW artistic nudity , Sandy

Idk, i just like this way more

Haley :3

My wife ☺️

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝙳𝚘𝚞𝚋𝚝 𝙲𝚊𝚝𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚑𝚎

Farmer: *leaning on their hoe, sighing deeply* Damn, I’m so useless.

Abigail: *bursts through a wall like the Kool-Aid Man* WHO SAID THAT?!

Sebastian: *appears from the shadows* YOU WANNA TRY THAT LINE AGAIN?!

Sam: *backflips off his skateboard* OH HELL NO!

Shane: *launches a beer can across the farm* THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!

Harvey: *running in, stethoscope flying* EXCUSE ME, THAT IS A MEDICAL LIE!

Elliott: *dramatic gasp flipping his hair* HOW DARE YOU INSULT YOURSELF IN SUCH A WAY?!

Haley: *lowers her sunglasses* That’s literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

Leah: *grabbing their hands gently* You are nature’s masterpiece, don’t you ever forget it.

Alex: *flexing aggressively* YOU’RE STRONG AS HELL, DON’T MAKE ME GIVE YOU A PEP TALK!

Penny: *clutching a book* You are worthy of love and respect, Farmer!

Maru: *holding a literal blueprint for an invention called "Farmer Confidence Booster 3000"* I BETTER START BUILDING THIS!

Emily: *already mid-dance to cleanse the negativity* BEGONE, NEGATIVE ENERGY! I CLEANSE THIS FARM WITH THE POWER OF YOBA!

Krobus: *somehow appearing from the sewers* I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HUMAN EMOTIONS BUT I KNOW THAT'S WRONG.

Pierre: *stepping out of his shop* Yes, even I think—!

Caroline: *dragging him back inside* PIERRE, READ THE ROOM.

Wizard: *literally appears in a cloud of smoke* THAT IS A DANGEROUS FALSEHOOD, FARMER.

Linus: *nodding wisely from the mountains* You are part of nature’s balance. Never forget that.

Other Marriage Candidates: *crash through windows, doors, appears through a portal or possibly even from underground* SAY THAT AGAIN, WE DARE YOU!

Farmer: *overwhelmed, hands up* Okay! I take it back! Damn, that worked a little too well…

Gus: *sliding a drink over* Yeah, don’t do that again. We almost lost half the Saloon to a riot.

I don't know if I'm being late to notice this in the new update. When I had my farmer attend the Luau Festival on the beach, I couldn't help but notice that everything looked different. The NPC's have changed their spots, and the Luau Potluck has switched places with the dance floor. Though it took me some time to notice the change, I have to admit that I really like the new arrangement! 😮✨🏖️🍲

Farmer: *can't find Sebastian in town*

Farmer: Dammit! I can't find him anywhere. This calls for drastic measures.

Farmer: *inhales and uses hand as a microphone* THE FARMER SUCKS!!!

Sebastian: *comes out from his room basement* THE FUCK-

Shane: *across JojaMart Bldg* DID YOU-

Sam: *crashes through the window using his skateboard* JUST-

Other Marriage Candidates: SAY!

Farmer: Eeek, that worked a little too well...

Other Townspeople: *others find this amusing, annoying or secretly recording the scene from the start and post it on their social media*

Hiiii Mousey! (✿^‿^) How are you right now? Hope you're doing well there.

Anywho, I had this idea while on a car ride, listening to some band songs. I had to write it down right away before I forgot it. I don't know if anyone has ever sent this to you before, but What if the farmer used to be a popular and famous singer, but because of the stress from fame and the number of stalkers they encountered, they decided to resign/quit and move to the valley to start anew, hoping no one would recognize them. However, one day, the farmer accidentally blurts out their secret to their NPC spouse and this made the farmer very worried. Now, here's the thought: How would the SDV&SVE Bachelors/Bachelorettes react to finding out that their farmer spouse was once a famous, popular singer? 🎤🎸

Hey hey 👋 I'm fine, a bit busy due to work (December is always a pretty busy month for me) but so doing pretty well, thanks for asking ❤️

Ooooh, your idea as an alternative start for Farmer arriving in the Stardew Valley, love it! Thanks for the ask, and have a good day!

_____________________________

SDV/SVE bachelors/ettes with Farmer as a former famous singer

SDV/SVE bachelors:

Even with the changed clothing style and new hair colour, Sam recognised Farmer as a famous singer almost instantly before Farmer blabbed about their past career. You bet, because Sammy is not only a music lover, but also a big fan of this musical group! He will shower Farmer with questions and autograph requests, but the joyful guitarist immediately restrains himself, remembering that a reaction like his is one of the reasons why the singer left the band. Sam apologises to Farmer and gives them some space. He in no way wanted to make his own lover uncomfortable.

"Wow... That's so cool." Sebastian is also pleasantly surprised about the fact that Farmer who came to Stardew Valley is the same singer from his favourite alternative rock band who left due to many cases of stalking. However, emo's own reaction is very calm, with adoration and admiration in his eyes, but no obsession. He knows that his beloved Farmer is a human being just like him and respects their feelings. Seeing that Farmer didn't want to talk about their past, Sebastian swears to them that he won't tell anyone about it.

Elliott stared at Farmer in surprise, eagerly waiting for an answer. Now the writer realised why he'd always thought he'd seen/heard Farmer somewhere before! Truthfully, instead of continued delight, Elliott was silenced by the look of weariness and sadness on his partner's face. He heard about Farmer as singer, but was completely unaware of the reason for their departure from show business. He would make a hundred apologies, assuring them that if Farmer didn't want to tell them, he would respect their wishes. Of course, Elliott's curiosity will torture him a little, but for him, his spouse's happiness comes first.

"Okay." No, Farmer was certainly glad that their husband Shane didn't jump madly around them like their fans in Zuzu City, but they'd expected, well, a more reaction than that. "You want me to try to rip the hair out of your head like those 'fans'?" Fair enough. Shane himself isn't much of a music lover, but Jas loved listening to Farmer on TV, and she was the one upset to tell Shane that her favourite singer had been bullied many times and they'd left. He's glad Farmer was able to escape that madness and there's no way his attitude towards them is going to change.

Alex nearly dropped his ice cream cone in surprise. "I always do the training to your songs! They give me so much motivation!" Farmer explained to their enthusiastic husband that although their songs were motivational and upbeat, Farmer themself wrote everything under constant stress due to pressure from managers and fear due to obsessive fans. Alex had no idea how bad it was and hugged Farmer tightly, covering them with kisses. The athlete himself will keep Farmer's anonymity (though he will sometimes squeak with delight inside, because wow, his spouse is so cool!).

Harvey had noticed Farmer's very familiar first and last name long ago when he entered their patient data into medical database, but had taken it simply as a coincidence. Even as spouses he didn't know the truth when he didn't mention this funny coincidence, to which Farmer had casually said they were than singer, not the namesake. The doctor's reaction was calm, and he assured Farmer that he understood why they hadn't told him the truth, and promised that their secret would not be revealed.

"I know, dear..." Farmer thought Victor would be shocked, as they knew their hubby is fan of their songs, but in the end it was Farmer who stood there with a surprised look. The spaghetti lover with his hunches found out information on the internet that helped him connect the dots, but he didn't want to confront his spouse on the subject, fearing that Farmer would mistake Victor for the same awful people who called themselves "true fans." Both spouses would have a long talk, sharing the truth. Victor made his own promise that he wouldn't tell anyone about Farmer's past career.

"Do you remember that when we first met, I told you I'd seen a part of your past?" And after those words, Farmer realised that Magnus had known about their singing career from the beginning. Why didn't he ask? It was none of his business to pry into their past, and if his lover wanted to tell they would. The wizard can't even imagine just living in an urban setting, so with a bunch of people following you around and interfering with your life. He also feels sorry that they associate Farmer's singing with bad emotions, because they have such a beautiful voice and are obviously happy when they are singing a song in the forest.

It seems Lance had heard of Farmer as a singer a few years ago when he arrived in Zuzu City as an ambassador from his clan. Many people were jumping in excitement about Farmer's new song, but the gallant adventurer genuinely understands why they left. Sometimes people can go overboard in their obsession with their idols. Of course, he will keep their secret, and if any of the fans show up on the doorstep of their farmhouse, Lance has promised his spouse to protect them and teleport the unwanted guests (first just away, and then - into a pile of manure if they get pushy).

SDV/SVE bachelorettes:

"You mean... Wait, really?" Honestly, Maru hadn't expected this turn of events. The young inventor had heard Farmer's songs spinning on the radio, even though she wasn't a strong fan of their music genre ("Sorry hon"). After Farmer decided there was nothing to hide and shared about their career and the reason for their retirement, Maru was horrified. So the scar on Farmer's arm was put there... by fans?! That's terrible. Maru consoled her spouse as best she could and promised to keep their secret.

Farmer realised what they'd said out loud and lightning-fast covered their already excited Abigail's mouth with their hand, who had said more than once that she was a big fan of this particular singer (Farmer, as it turned out). Before the purple-haired girl could do anything about it, her spouse dragged her away from one spot and explained why they were leaving. "Oh shit... Those people are just bastards." And she herself had almost blabbed to the whole town know about... "You okay, love?" Farmer is much better since they have found happiness and family in Stardew Valley.

Penny is completely shocked to discover that her spouse is the one and only nationally famous singer. Farmer and their new look was completely unrecognisable. But not even just a new image, but they're much happier. The young teacher has heard many stories that under the pressure of managers and the crazy crowd Farmer was seen more like zombie. She was sorry to hear that her spouse had been through all that, and glad that they had found happiness and peace here, with her.

Haley already had some suspicions, as Farmer was not only the namesake of her favourite singer, but also looked similar, but did not voice her guesses aloud. When her lover had accidentally blabbed about this, and had already decided to reveal their secret on such an occasion, Haley just thanked them for their trust in her. Previously, she would not have understood how it is possible to give up the glamorous life of a beloved pop star, but she realised that life with dependence on caffeine, under the fear of crazy fans and people who are only interested in money from concerts, is not a life but a living hell.

Emily's eyes shone with joy at what she heard. Her wonderful spouse was that talented singer, whose songs the blue-haired girl loved to dance to on Valley's festivals and at other times when she felt full of energy. However, immediately she became sad, as she knew why the singer left the stage, so many toxic people and negative aura around them were... Emily in no way wants Farmer to think she's like one of those fans either, and promised to keep their secret.

Well, Leah guessed, since besides the similarity in appearance and the fact that the last name and surname of her spouse and singer are the same, Farmer came almost as soon as they left their singing career. Aloud she did not voice it, as she considered it unnecessary to "pry" from her spouse the truth and understood where such paranoia in keeping the secret. Hundreds or even thousands of people, like her ex, or even worse, who follow you... Brrr! She comforted Farmer and assured them that she would take their secret to the grave. And if someone does find out, she has plenty of sculpting tools to fend off her spouse from the "fans"...

So Lewis telling Olivia about Farmer being a former clerk at Joja was just a cover so people wouldn't recognise them? Makes sense, or else her and Farmer's home would be overflowing with crazy fans carousing for their idol. Although Olivia herself isn't much of a fan of their music style, her spouse's voice is truly beautiful when she listened them. City life, especially for a famous person, can get very exhausting, so Olivia truly understands their secrecy and reluctance to discuss the past. And yes, she will keep that secret, promise 💖

"Wait, is it true? You really are-" Scarlett jumped up on the spot, not believing her ears. Her dearest Farmer is the famous lead singer from her favourite music band! She loves listening to their albums while she's busy sewing a new costume for the comicon and- wait. The same singer who quit their career because of crazy 'fans'. "Oh, man.... I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Even though Farmer assures her it's okay, Scarlet feels a little shitty because they were standing in the middle of a public square in the city, and if anyone heard her joyful shriek.

Of course, Claire raised her eyebrows in surprise as Farmer told her that they had worked as an accountant at Joja before, and here was a whole five year career as a singer, and such a talented and popular one at that. It was only when the cashier wanted to question why her spouse had hidden it that she recalled the "incident" with fans that almost cost Farmer their life. "I'm sorry about that..." Still, Claire is glad Farmer was able to get away from it all and found happiness in farming.

Sophia's eyes widened slightly in surprise and the dots connected in her head. Her lover came to Stardew Valley at the same time as the famous and much-loved singer (whose song played in her favourite anime!) retired. The girl is sorry to hear that Farmer had to endure so many horrible incidents in their career as a singer, as breaking into their home or fans trying to kidnap them despite the security.... She dreaded to imagine what it had been like for them. Sophia, instead of jumping for joy that it's one of her favourite singers, silently hugs Farmer.

Drew Haley on class (It was my english assignment but Idc)💖

Maybe I'll randomly start posting here art of my farmers and some shenanigans kjahsdkjgas Anyway this is Chibó Fernandes, the 5th character I made for this game and he is an absolute menace-

HALEY

fics

super graphic ultra-modern girl like me! (suggestive; 2k words) (FEM!reader)

super graphic ultra-modern girl like me!

pairing: haley x reader

wc: 2k

tags: mature (NOT explicit) , closeted lesbian haley , both of you are drunk , making out

synopsis: where sharing lipstick with your best friend haley makes you feel… things.

a/n: reader: oh ho ho, i sure hope kissing my bff doesnt awaken anything in me! (it did)

i wrote this listening to super graphic ultra modern girl by chappel roan! haley fits so many of her songs its insane

your head is aching, spinning like you were sent to another dimension that consists of disco flashing lights and the nauseating smell of spilt vodka—all thanks to the sheer amount of alcohol you consumed in the past 5 hours. it’s pushing 3 AM—the strappy 4 inch heels are chafing your feet, the skimpy skirt clinging to your hips ride up in a way that would scandalize the small village mothers, and body glitter covering every inch of your skin. 

you feel light, weightless as you flutter and float through the rhythmic bass engulfing the club. you nod your head to the beat of the music, swaying your hips that loosen with every sip of the sweet alcoholic drink in your hand. 

you’re bouncing up and down to party rock anthem when your phone buzzes. fishing it out of your pocket, you squint your eyes to make out the notification. you bow your head, trying to make out the message over the flashing lights.

an amused laugh bubbles out of you. haley.

—> go 2 thr bathroon rn

—> hurry or else

you turn and wobble out of the middle of the dance floor, swaying to the beat while maneuvering the sea of sweaty bodies. the bathroom is in an isolated corner by the entrance of the club. you push the door open, stumbling slightly when it takes a little less effort than you expect.

you enter the club bathroom, shutting the ornate door behind you. it slams with a resounding slam, dampening the loud candy pop songs blaring through the party outside. 

your heels click against cool marble as you saunter to the long, seemingly endless, stretch of mirrors and faucets. twisting the knob, a rush of tap water flows freely; it contrasts satisfyingly with the heated skin of your hands. you wet your fingers, dabbing your cheeks and neck with cool water. you sigh, shivering with the instant relief it brings.

as you cool yourself off, you think—you do wonder what haley’s predicament is, she texted you with much urgency. 

perhaps she fell into the toilet—or maybe she’s drunk herself to the point of spewing her guts out in one of these very cubicles. the latter though makes you giggle. a notification buzzes from your phone, as if the sound of your laughter summoned it.

—> idiot

—> i can hear u laughing from here

you snort.

suddenly, without warning, you feel a warm hand pull you into a stall. it’s a sudden jerking motion, and you almost lose your balance to fall flat on your face. a gasp rips out of you as you clutch on to the very warm, very soft thing that keeps you from falling and twisting your ankle. before you even register the situation, you’re being dragged in to sit on the closed lid of the toilet. 

you’re frazzled, knocked off balance by a rude and very disrespectful stranger who obviously has no morals. you feel your blood boil, ruthless insults ready at the tip of your tongue—

—then you look up, and that feeling dissipates. instead, a cheshire grin splits your face, “haley.”

she’s the living breathing stereotype of a wild party girl like this; blonde hair in waves down her back that smells sweetly of strawberries, nails buffed and painted a pretty baby blue, and make-up done up to the absolute nines. her sequin skirt sparkles and winks as she shifts. pretty, you’ll ask if you could borrow it next time—

manicured fingers snap and you’re pushed out of your own thoughts. haley crosses her arms, standing in between your thighs, looking down at you with a displeased expression. “took you long enough.”

you offer a sheepish smile. “i was busy.”

“yeah,” she sneers, locking the stall door behind her. “busy shaking your ass to trashy zuzu club songs.” 

you ignore the sharp jab with a roll of your eyes. “what’s up?” you ask, your words slur slightly, almost tapering off into incomprehensible gibberish. “didya you puke or something?”

“ew. no,”the loud is just making my head hurt,” she replies, massaging her temples. “stick your legs together, i’m gonna sit on your lap.”

she knocks your thighs together with her knee. haley maneuvers you to her liking, your bare thighs pressing together when she spins and sits perpendicular to your lap.

“hm.” you feel the weight of her settle on top of your thighs. the warmth of her skin meeting yours under the cut of her skirt. you barely repress a shiver at the heat radiating off her skin. “woah! okay now you really have to tell me what’s going on.”

you're met with a faceful of strawberry-scented blonde hair when she shifts away—ignoring you. good news for her, your drink-addled brain doesn’t seem to care. in fact, your drunk brain figures it is a perfect time to shamelessly flirt. your tongue is loose enough, and your brain has completely thrown away its filter. as friends, of course; building camaraderie as people say.

“you smell nice, did you use that strawberry shampoo i gave?” you murmur, brushing the locks away from your face. you feel haley squirm in your lap. you know she used it, the pride bubbles up in you at the thought. 

it’s overly warm, that plus the buttloads of alcohol brewing in your gut makes your skin feel on fire. 

haley growls. “stop talking, dumbass.”

you roll your eyes, pinching her thigh. she yelps, high and breathy, swatting your hand away. she meets your eyes, her blonde brows furrowed.

“geez…” a lazy smile playing on your lips. “just take the compliment, hales.”

a ghost of a smirk appears on her cherry colored lips. glossy and pink. you wonder if they taste as sweet and tart as real cherries do—

you wince internally. thinking like that is not a good idea. damn your alcohol foggy brain, making you think of the inane idea of lusting after your best friend. 

you knock your forehead into her shoulder. “so are we just going to sit here all day?”

“i just need to touch up my lipstick,” she says. facing you with an expectant look. “then we can go back.”

“and that’s why you called me,” you raise a brow. your gaze trails to the cherry coat on her lips—it looks perfectly fine to you. in fact, she looks absolutely darling like this. 

“you need some?”

“…are you offering?”

“why not? we share all my shit anyway,” you shrug. “i think it’s somewhere in my purse—”

“where’s your purse?”

“i left it with the others, i think it’s with abby, i'll text her.” you say. fumbling for your phone, you reach in the hidden pocket of your skirt. the walls enclosing the cubicle restrict your movements; you bump your elbow against the flimsy wood as you dig deeper into the flimsy pocket. your skirt is skin-tight against your hips, you feel the woman above becoming increasingly agitated as your attempts to fish out your phone come out fruitless.

haley huffs above you, shifting; making your wary gaze snap back to her. she looks down at you with a pout—you’re damn sure she’s just as hammered as you.

“too far,” she whines, taking a firm grip of your jaw. your cheeks puff with the force of her squishing them, you feel the pointed tips of her nails digging into the fat there. she swings a leg over you, her hips bracketing your waist as she sits atop you. 

this position feels strangely intimate; like all your senses are overwhelmed with only haley. the heady scent of her skin, the short sounds of her breathing in your ears, the burning feeling wherever she touches—it’s all her, her, her.

which shouldn’t make you feel the way it’s making you feel; like you're buzzing with adrenaline. you feel the blood coursing through your veins at race car speeds—spreading all throughout your body. your cheeks feel hot, you feel dizzy with all your senses stimulated by your best friend.

the reverberating bass from the music outside shakes the walls; like some sort of finality as it thumps, thumps, thumps.

“hales,” you start, your mouth dry. “what—”

she stares at you, her crystalline eyes shining in the dim light of the bathroom. a pretty pink flush paints her cheeks til the tips of her pearl-adorned ears. you feel her breaths against your cheek—short and warm. “stay still, the gloss you have on your lips will do.”

your ears have to be fucking with you… your eyes widen and you swear you feel your heart jump up into your throat. “huh—”

“what?” she says in response to your wide-eyed expression. her tone drops to something akin to a purr. “your lipstick is such a pretty shade.”

helping is what friends are for, right? maybe this is merely the alcohol talking; because she doesn’t like you like that, totally—and the disappointment you feel is not because of that either. 

you swallow the heavy lump in your throat; your voice is strangled and stuttery when you speak. “f—fine.”

“perfect,” she grins. “hold still.”

this is the least you were expecting when you walked into the club bathroom; who knew you’d end up with haley in your lap and hovering over for what is technically a kiss. you will your eyes not to close, burning the view of her leaning over you into your brain. you shudder; this is not a sight that will leave you for months to come.

you squeeze her hip as her face hovers closer, palm lingering at her scratchy sequin miniskirt. you crane your neck, anticipating the brush of her lips against yours. your other hand travels to her upper back, stroking her locks of golden hair; under your ministrations, you feel her tremor slightly.

it feels like eternity when you finally connect. 

sparks fly the moment you feel the plush softness of her mouth against yours, moving in a salacious rhythm that you doubt is for only sharing lipstick. 

her lips are sticky with what remains of that cherry lip gloss; it smears all over your own lips, spreading your deep red lipstick everywhere; at the corner of your lips, at your chin. your eyes flutter shut, a contented sigh escapes your mouth and haley uses that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. she drags her hand up and up, curling her fingers into the base of your neck.

you jolt, the pleasure fogs your mind; your thoughts are muddy, the only coherent thing is of haley. 

your tongue swipes at her bottom lip, chasing the fruity flavor of cherry cola on her lips. it’s sweet, she’s sweet. you feel lightheaded with the overwhelming sensations of it. sure, you’ve kissed once or twice—but it never felt like this; soft and desperate and hot and tingly, affecting you all throughout your body. 

your breaths are labored when she pulls away and you feel it's too soon. a clicking wet sound when her mouth disconnects from yours that makes you shiver. you feel dizzy with warmth; heat is pooling low in your belly, a low buzzing sensation overwhelms everywhere haley touches. 

her lips as wine-red as yours. the same color lipstick smeared messily on her lips. haley wipes the corner of your cupid’s bow, where some of the color had smudged, her breathing heavy and pupils dilated as you stare. her hands feel delightfully warm and soft against your skin. golden strands of hair brush against your cheeks, making you squirm in your seat.

you can barely restrain your delighted giggle, in awe of the absurdity of the situation. haley laughs too, a light sound like a tinkling bell. you slump against the cold tile wall behind you, boneless and in disbelief— did you really just make out with your best friend? and at a grimy club bathroom no less.

time seems suspended here, cramped in a stall with only the sound of heavy breathing. there will be a lot more questions when you leave, lingering glances at your pleasure-pulled hair and smeared lipstick. 

this is what friends do, what you and haley do. your eyes track her every move, unabashedly staring as she readjusts her top. haley catches your eye, smiling like the cat that got all the cream. 

she cranes her face to your ear, whispering. “thanks for the touch up, babe.”

super graphic ultra-modern girl like me!

pairing: haley x reader

wc: 2k

tags: mature (NOT explicit) , closeted lesbian haley , both of you are drunk , making out

synopsis: where sharing lipstick with your best friend haley makes you feel… things.

a/n: reader: oh ho ho, i sure hope kissing my bff doesnt awaken anything in me! (it did)

i wrote this listening to super graphic ultra modern girl by chappel roan! haley fits so many of her songs its insane

your head is aching, spinning like you were sent to another dimension that consists of disco flashing lights and the nauseating smell of spilt vodka—all thanks to the sheer amount of alcohol you consumed in the past 5 hours. it’s pushing 3 AM—the strappy 4 inch heels are chafing your feet, the skimpy skirt clinging to your hips ride up in a way that would scandalize the small village mothers, and body glitter covering every inch of your skin. 

you feel light, weightless as you flutter and float through the rhythmic bass engulfing the club. you nod your head to the beat of the music, swaying your hips that loosen with every sip of the sweet alcoholic drink in your hand. 

you’re bouncing up and down to party rock anthem when your phone buzzes. fishing it out of your pocket, you squint your eyes to make out the notification. you bow your head, trying to make out the message over the flashing lights.

an amused laugh bubbles out of you. haley.

—> go 2 thr bathroon rn

—> hurry or else

you turn and wobble out of the middle of the dance floor, swaying to the beat while maneuvering the sea of sweaty bodies. the bathroom is in an isolated corner by the entrance of the club. you push the door open, stumbling slightly when it takes a little less effort than you expect.

you enter the club bathroom, shutting the ornate door behind you. it slams with a resounding slam, dampening the loud candy pop songs blaring through the party outside. 

your heels click against cool marble as you saunter to the long, seemingly endless, stretch of mirrors and faucets. twisting the knob, a rush of tap water flows freely; it contrasts satisfyingly with the heated skin of your hands. you wet your fingers, dabbing your cheeks and neck with cool water. you sigh, shivering with the instant relief it brings.

as you cool yourself off, you think—you do wonder what haley’s predicament is, she texted you with much urgency. 

perhaps she fell into the toilet—or maybe she’s drunk herself to the point of spewing her guts out in one of these very cubicles. the latter though makes you giggle. a notification buzzes from your phone, as if the sound of your laughter summoned it.

—> idiot

—> i can hear u laughing from here

you snort.

suddenly, without warning, you feel a warm hand pull you into a stall. it’s a sudden jerking motion, and you almost lose your balance to fall flat on your face. a gasp rips out of you as you clutch on to the very warm, very soft thing that keeps you from falling and twisting your ankle. before you even register the situation, you’re being dragged in to sit on the closed lid of the toilet. 

you’re frazzled, knocked off balance by a rude and very disrespectful stranger who obviously has no morals. you feel your blood boil, ruthless insults ready at the tip of your tongue—

—then you look up, and that feeling dissipates. instead, a cheshire grin splits your face, “haley.”

she’s the living breathing stereotype of a wild party girl like this; blonde hair in waves down her back that smells sweetly of strawberries, nails buffed and painted a pretty baby blue, and make-up done up to the absolute nines. her sequin skirt sparkles and winks as she shifts. pretty, you’ll ask if you could borrow it next time—

manicured fingers snap and you’re pushed out of your own thoughts. haley crosses her arms, standing in between your thighs, looking down at you with a displeased expression. “took you long enough.”

you offer a sheepish smile. “i was busy.”

“yeah,” she sneers, locking the stall door behind her. “busy shaking your ass to trashy zuzu club songs.” 

you ignore the sharp jab with a roll of your eyes. “what’s up?” you ask, your words slur slightly, almost tapering off into incomprehensible gibberish. “didya you puke or something?”

“ew. no,”the loud is just making my head hurt,” she replies, massaging her temples. “stick your legs together, i’m gonna sit on your lap.”

she knocks your thighs together with her knee. haley maneuvers you to her liking, your bare thighs pressing together when she spins and sits perpendicular to your lap.

“hm.” you feel the weight of her settle on top of your thighs. the warmth of her skin meeting yours under the cut of her skirt. you barely repress a shiver at the heat radiating off her skin. “woah! okay now you really have to tell me what’s going on.”

you're met with a faceful of strawberry-scented blonde hair when she shifts away—ignoring you. good news for her, your drink-addled brain doesn’t seem to care. in fact, your drunk brain figures it is a perfect time to shamelessly flirt. your tongue is loose enough, and your brain has completely thrown away its filter. as friends, of course; building camaraderie as people say.

“you smell nice, did you use that strawberry shampoo i gave?” you murmur, brushing the locks away from your face. you feel haley squirm in your lap. you know she used it, the pride bubbles up in you at the thought. 

it’s overly warm, that plus the buttloads of alcohol brewing in your gut makes your skin feel on fire. 

haley growls. “stop talking, dumbass.”

you roll your eyes, pinching her thigh. she yelps, high and breathy, swatting your hand away. she meets your eyes, her blonde brows furrowed.

“geez…” a lazy smile playing on your lips. “just take the compliment, hales.”

a ghost of a smirk appears on her cherry colored lips. glossy and pink. you wonder if they taste as sweet and tart as real cherries do—

you wince internally. thinking like that is not a good idea. damn your alcohol foggy brain, making you think of the inane idea of lusting after your best friend. 

you knock your forehead into her shoulder. “so are we just going to sit here all day?”

“i just need to touch up my lipstick,” she says. facing you with an expectant look. “then we can go back.”

“and that’s why you called me,” you raise a brow. your gaze trails to the cherry coat on her lips—it looks perfectly fine to you. in fact, she looks absolutely darling like this. 

“you need some?”

“…are you offering?”

“why not? we share all my shit anyway,” you shrug. “i think it’s somewhere in my purse—”

“where’s your purse?”

“i left it with the others, i think it’s with abby, i'll text her.” you say. fumbling for your phone, you reach in the hidden pocket of your skirt. the walls enclosing the cubicle restrict your movements; you bump your elbow against the flimsy wood as you dig deeper into the flimsy pocket. your skirt is skin-tight against your hips, you feel the woman above becoming increasingly agitated as your attempts to fish out your phone come out fruitless.

haley huffs above you, shifting; making your wary gaze snap back to her. she looks down at you with a pout—you’re damn sure she’s just as hammered as you.

“too far,” she whines, taking a firm grip of your jaw. your cheeks puff with the force of her squishing them, you feel the pointed tips of her nails digging into the fat there. she swings a leg over you, her hips bracketing your waist as she sits atop you. 

this position feels strangely intimate; like all your senses are overwhelmed with only haley. the heady scent of her skin, the short sounds of her breathing in your ears, the burning feeling wherever she touches—it’s all her, her, her.

which shouldn’t make you feel the way it’s making you feel; like you're buzzing with adrenaline. you feel the blood coursing through your veins at race car speeds—spreading all throughout your body. your cheeks feel hot, you feel dizzy with all your senses stimulated by your best friend.

the reverberating bass from the music outside shakes the walls; like some sort of finality as it thumps, thumps, thumps.

“hales,” you start, your mouth dry. “what—”

she stares at you, her crystalline eyes shining in the dim light of the bathroom. a pretty pink flush paints her cheeks til the tips of her pearl-adorned ears. you feel her breaths against your cheek—short and warm. “stay still, the gloss you have on your lips will do.”

your ears have to be fucking with you… your eyes widen and you swear you feel your heart jump up into your throat. “huh—”

“what?” she says in response to your wide-eyed expression. her tone drops to something akin to a purr. “your lipstick is such a pretty shade.”

helping is what friends are for, right? maybe this is merely the alcohol talking; because she doesn’t like you like that, totally—and the disappointment you feel is not because of that either. 

you swallow the heavy lump in your throat; your voice is strangled and stuttery when you speak. “f—fine.”

“perfect,” she grins. “hold still.”

this is the least you were expecting when you walked into the club bathroom; who knew you’d end up with haley in your lap and hovering over for what is technically a kiss. you will your eyes not to close, burning the view of her leaning over you into your brain. you shudder; this is not a sight that will leave you for months to come.

you squeeze her hip as her face hovers closer, palm lingering at her scratchy sequin miniskirt. you crane your neck, anticipating the brush of her lips against yours. your other hand travels to her upper back, stroking her locks of golden hair; under your ministrations, you feel her tremor slightly.

it feels like eternity when you finally connect. 

sparks fly the moment you feel the plush softness of her mouth against yours, moving in a salacious rhythm that you doubt is for only sharing lipstick. 

her lips are sticky with what remains of that cherry lip gloss; it smears all over your own lips, spreading your deep red lipstick everywhere; at the corner of your lips, at your chin. your eyes flutter shut, a contented sigh escapes your mouth and haley uses that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. she drags her hand up and up, curling her fingers into the base of your neck.

you jolt, the pleasure fogs your mind; your thoughts are muddy, the only coherent thing is of haley. 

your tongue swipes at her bottom lip, chasing the fruity flavor of cherry cola on her lips. it’s sweet, she’s sweet. you feel lightheaded with the overwhelming sensations of it. sure, you’ve kissed once or twice—but it never felt like this; soft and desperate and hot and tingly, affecting you all throughout your body. 

your breaths are labored when she pulls away and you feel it's too soon. a clicking wet sound when her mouth disconnects from yours that makes you shiver. you feel dizzy with warmth; heat is pooling low in your belly, a low buzzing sensation overwhelms everywhere haley touches. 

her lips as wine-red as yours. the same color lipstick smeared messily on her lips. haley wipes the corner of your cupid’s bow, where some of the color had smudged, her breathing heavy and pupils dilated as you stare. her hands feel delightfully warm and soft against your skin. golden strands of hair brush against your cheeks, making you squirm in your seat.

you can barely restrain your delighted giggle, in awe of the absurdity of the situation. haley laughs too, a light sound like a tinkling bell. you slump against the cold tile wall behind you, boneless and in disbelief— did you really just make out with your best friend? and at a grimy club bathroom no less.

time seems suspended here, cramped in a stall with only the sound of heavy breathing. there will be a lot more questions when you leave, lingering glances at your pleasure-pulled hair and smeared lipstick. 

this is what friends do, what you and haley do. your eyes track her every move, unabashedly staring as she readjusts her top. haley catches your eye, smiling like the cat that got all the cream. 

she cranes her face to your ear, whispering. “thanks for the touch up, babe.”

Haley! I don’t play but my bsf loves her <3

Good luck, babe!

closeted mean girl haley who kisses her friends to share lipgloss….

haley has the valley girl accent

haley and sam are childhood friends who used to get mistaken for siblings