Curate, connect, and discover
old cigarettes and bitter black coffee a taste of discontent on the tip of my tongue closing my eyes to enter a storm of endless thoughts, a dusty brain sometimes my body feels too heavy to carry so I lay down and just stay in a strangers bed for as long as I can get away with it old sheets and red-stained walls a strangers bed became my home
I got lost in your sheets in the tightness of your arms in the rhythm of your breath in the warmth of your heart
yet I found myself in love a place of tenderness I found myself with you a place of lost and found
Go and search your fly swatter In the end, I am just a fly trapped in your mind searching a window to freedom You closed every escape after luring me so carefully Let me fly into your self-made prison And walls Covered with paintings of love and security Just to wake up at night to try to escape from the fly swatter you hid in your walls You wanted to spray so much love Where is it, honey? Did you lost your words just as easy as I lost the sight of the truth?
I was your place of calm in the night You left me broken and abandoned I wish I could go back, standing strong in the corner of your heart But now I am broken, shattered into a million pieces, ripped out Only left are my splinter in your skin
I want to go back in time Be fixed, stable and loved again Not standing in the rain, soaking the water into myself and feel my wooden heart swallow
Stop feeling sorry Stop feeling disgusted Look at me and remember the past The number of nights we spend together But all I see is you wishing for something new A new place of calm in the night
I can’t sleep without you without feeling your resting body pressed against mine I am awake and so are you By breaking me, you lost your place of calm I am broken and you are restless We did not think at all
You can blame me for my weakness But wood is not meant for eternity And no matter how much you crave for something new I will always remember the nights we shared The calm of your breath whenever you were about to fall asleep I would be there to catch and hold you until the morning sun arrived
But that's not on me anymore And even when I am gone remember me remember our nights, dreams and smiles Just a moment before you fall asleep remember the comfort we used to find and the love we used to share
Falling in love is its own kind of violence
So tell me
how can you
love someone
and don't care at all?
At least the pain shows
you were real
we were real
this was real
I created a new person for you but as much as I created It wasn't enough for you.
A letter to a friend I loved...i love. I miss.
I miss u
I miss the talks we had, the loud laughter, the random references
I miss the silence between our talks
I miss how your voice changes while eating something. I miss your way of saying "mhhhm" when you're enjoying your delicious chocolate.
I miss you
I miss you as the person you are
I miss the person I am around you
I miss the person I used to be with you
I miss the friendship we had, because it's a matter of fact, that eventhough we said we would try it one last time, we both agreed to give up of what we had left, without knowing it. I miss the old days.
I miss to listen to your problems, eventhough they were a bit silly sometimes and I did not knew what to say, but they were important to you, so they were important to me, because you were important to me.
I miss the way I've never missed our friendship. I miss the way I've though about you. I miss the excitement I had, by thinking about calling you. I miss the enjoyment I had by talking to you, like to no one else. I miss the way I made you laught and I miss the way you've mad me laught so many times.
I miss the plans we made for our future,eventhough we knew they would never come true, but dreams will be dreams and we lived them in our head.
I miss not missing you.
I miss complaining and overthinking our friendship. I miss fearing of losing you, because that ment I haven't lost this yet. Cuz now it is not you I am writing, but my notebook.
I miss not thinking if i should write you, but just do. I miss our games and inside jokes. I miss Oleg . I miss Oleg a lot. I miss knowing what is going on in your life and I miss letting you know what is going on inside mine. I miss getting mad about you, for no real reason and I miss starting smiling out of nowhere, just because I thought about a funny thing you've said once.
I miss the way you saw me. I miss our conversations and how light and easy they could be. I miss, I hate not being able to write you because...that what we had is in the past and we both seem to have moved on...but still...sometimes you are the only person I want to talk to. I miss the way "sometimes " did not exist. I really miss not missing you.
I miss how you laughted about my really bad jokes. Damn they where bad. I miss falling asleep whit knowing you would still be there. I miss this friendship so badly I can't. It's true, you value things way more, when they are gone.
I hate this so much. I hate that we are kinda in touch, but don't talk at all and if we do, we don't come over some Texts and then everything is dead.
I don't know if we will ever be real friends again. I don't know how you may feel and I really want to know.
I don't know if there will ever be another person with whom I may experience a similar friendship. Well there is somebody I really love but it's not the same we had. And that's what I miss .... the friendship we left behind.
I hate trying to having to distract myself of not thinking about you, especially when it gets late and I don't know what to do. I am haunted by the ghost of you, of my old me, of the person we were and pretended to be.
I miss