Isolated - Blog Posts

How do u make friends in communities?

I know this is a heavily asked question & I know making friends takes time & effort but like- any tips even?

I've been on the internet for a while & only have made 1 friend ovr the whole time, I understand no one owes me friendship or anything, but it's hard not to feel lonely. I love my friend(/p) with all my heart. & I've tried so many ways 2 make new friends but my efforts never work :c Is there something I can b doing better? I want friends like me ig? (alterhumans, xenogender users, alternative ppl & j-fashion enjoyers ect ect) But like- how??? .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.

about to crash out

i want attention, im bored, i don't know what i want, im bored, i want attention, i want friends, i want to go places, im stuck in the same place, every day is the same, why are they not responding, i sense something is wrong, this always happens, we always drift a part, im tired, i want to delete everything, what is the point of this.

My sister posted some screen shots of a text conversation between her and our dad. On the surface it was a cool conversation about all the concerts he brought her too when she was younger.

Any guesses on how many be brought me to? Big ol' zero. It's weird how I'm constantly sharing music with people and asking for new music that people to this day think that music doesn't play a big part in my life. It's strange.

Instead my dad always belittled the things I liked and invalidated my emotions.

I think I was twenty two when my dad and I got into a huge fight. I told him this would be the last time I apologized for being me and told him I'm sorry that I'm not the son he wanted. That was over a decade ago. If we talk, it quickly turns back into that fight. He can't control himself and refuses to try. So we don't have much of a relationship.

I talk to my blood probably twice a year. It's usually my sister. Our relationship is weird. I love her but I can't trust her. Play shitty games get shitty responses. I will not have my civility weaponize against me.

Our incubator was abusive to us. Literally kicked me out of the house on Christmas. Fucking hallmark moment right there.

People wonder why I either come off reserved or like Gomez Addams. I'm watching you or I'm being the adult I need as a child.

All of this makes the holidays particularly isolating. Usually there's a friendsgiving, but one of those people went way over the line and I warned him when he crossed it. Tried to give him an out. He kept going. I told him to stop. Then was suprised when I called him on his shit and I lost two friends from that. Him and one other. I kept two other friends from that group. I should put context that they were my found family. This issue I think I posted about awhile ago....

Anyway. Then. Over the summer an amazing woman pursued me and when I told her I was on board ghosted me for weeks. We talked and got caught up. She told me she couldn't be in a relationship with me for the dumbest fucking reasons. When someone show's you who they are, believe them. Wanted to stay friends. I texted a couple times. Still waiting for a response from.. September I think. Lol.

In summary, I'm an unlovable person and each time I try it gets harder. I'm already aware I'm never getting married. I get it, it's ok. I would like to not have an empty funeral if you get what I'm saying. And more to the point I hate the holidays because of how isolating it is. Covid already makes things hard. Then.. Yeah. Fuck me.

I'm in my epilogue just waiting for the last page.

Had to go back for more. This stuff is magic. THCA isolate. 94.7% 😁