Dissasociation - Blog Posts

NSFW. Sexual content. Non-con/dub con. Not graphic.

Whumpee/Living Weapon who was trained for a lot of different purposes. They can fight, they can lie, they can interrogate and torture, they can charm just about anyway. They know exactly how to get information out of people. Giving up their body is just a simple part of that.

But every time they do so, they go on auto-pilot. They often do, during torture, during fights, during sex. They just check out, floating somewhere else while their body does what it needs to do.

Years later, they are free. And they are living a somewhat normal life, although they're still a bit stoic. But they're doing... okay. All things considered.

They get into a relationship, maybe with someone who knows what they were. And sex is part of that. It's not much of a question for Living Weapon. They like their partner, they want them, and they know their partner wants them, too. They know exactly what to do, what to say, how to move, how to act.

And every time they do so, they disassociate.

But they're good at it. At playing the part. So it takes a while for their partner to notice. But when they do, they instantly stop, pulling back, and trying to get Living Weapon back to them. "Hey," they say. "Come back, LW. What's going on?"

They slowly get them back to their body, making Living Weapon gasp as they're pulled back, not really understanding what's happening.

They talk about it, and their partner realizes with horror that Living Weapon has been doing this since the start. "This is how it always is. It's normal." They say. It's not, their partner wants to sob. It's really not.

Maybe Living Weapon leaves, or breaks down. Being hit with the realization that what they've been doing isn't normal. That they're broken. They knew it, they knew they were messed up and wrong and they've never been normal- but they never thought much about this, and now their partner knows and-

In the end, Living Weapon and their partner talk about it. Maybe they try something new, start slow, trying to keep Whumpee in the moment. Each time they start to float, their partner pulls them back. "Hey, stay with me, LW."

And for the first time, Living Weapon does. They're in the moment, they feel it.

They don't do much, yet Living Weapon still ends up overwhelmed, and they start crying. The touch, the positive, caring, loving touch, it breaks them. Their partner just holds them.

But it's not bad. They're healing. They're happy.

me watching myself tell my psychiatrist everything is chill (everything is not chill but I forget that as soon as we start talking)

time wasnt right

there is dust

in my childhood bedroom

cobwebs span the corners

reaching out

to touch

the abandoned walls

everything is covered in dust

my books

my floor

my collections, long since abandoned

touch anything and you'll

come away

with gray residue

reminiscent of a life once lived

only

i am still here

living

right?

or am i, too

covered in dust

a relic

of a former girl

this isnt how life is supposed to be

its my world

dawg i’ve been disassociating so bad all day 🥀🥀 i was in my a&p class and genuinely idk came back to reality and did NOT know what i was doing wdym i have scissors in my hands who gave me these ‼️‼️ what the fuck… i’m locking in now tho trusttt shit was wild tho ngl