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[Crosshair X gn!reader]: Bigger picture

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Summary:

After Crosshair joined the Empire, your relationship has been complicated, especially since there was palpable and unresolved tension. After settling down on Pabu for the first time in Crosshair's life, you decide it's time to confront him.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: SPOILERS FOR TBB S3, ANGST, lots of angst, Crosshair being a prick, reader also being a prick, arguments, fights, mentions of break ups, reader has a sister who unfortunately was killed, swearing. Basically angst. Not proofread.

Enjoy!

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The sanctuary of Pabu was supposed to be a place to stay, to call home, to leave your past behind and start over. It was an island, away from the Empire, with little resources yet grateful people.

Now, it was just an island. The island you admired the most became just an island when Crosshair put his feet on the ground tiles.

It had been almost a year since Crosshair had last spoken to you. And you didn't make it easy either when he joined the Batch again. You refused to make eye contact, and actually speaking was not on the list. The last time you had seen eachother was on that deck back on Kamino, and he denied everything you had. That hurt you more than anything else.

You sighed at the thought. The weather on Pabu that day was rather windy, and messy. It was almost like the Force had decided to match your personality with the island's weather. However, you headed over to the small cottage you lived in, and found Omega on the door.

"Hey." She greeted, with her usual, bright smile. You weren't in the mood, but tried to smile nonetheless.

"Hey, kid."

Omega stayed quiet for a few seconds, before she spoke again.

"You think Crosshair hasn't changed." She said.

Your grip on the doorknob tightened.

"Omega, we've talked about this."

"But he has! He has changed!" She insisted, her innocent eyes full of determination pierced through yours.

You let out an exasperated sigh.

"No. He hasn't." You responded firmly.

"If he had changed, he would've come speak to me when he joined the Batch."

To this, Omega let out a pout, and left you without another word.

It was sad to let the kid down, but it was the truth. If Crosshair truly cared about your relationship, he would've gone see you a long time ago.

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When the night settled on the island, you were still outside, leaning on the railing. Omega's words kept repeating inside your head. What if he had changed? What if he had become a different person? He could've still tried talking to you, at least say something. Then again, you hadn't made it easy for him, either.

You hadn't greeted him when he came on the ship, you always came out with some sort of witty or snarky response to his plans, and you had overall chosen to ignore him.

As if on cue, a shadow leaned on the wooden wall of your house. You knew who it was. There was only one person able to be this stealthy, there was only one person who made your heart quicken. No matter the situation, your heart would always beat for him. Seeing him there, standing near you, made you remember all the nights you spent together. The love, the passion, the laughs, the hope, the excitement. But it also brought a sense of sadness, pain and dread to you.

You turned to face him.

"Look who decided to show up." You chimed, with a fake grin.

Crosshair just kept staring at you, his toothpick moving to the right side of his mouth.

"You're mad at me." He pointed out.

You scoffed.

"Of course I am." You spat, entering your cottage. You expected Crosshair to follow, since you were sure things would get heated pretty quickly.

And so, he did. Without a word. You closed the door, and leaned on the wall with your arms closed.

"You better explain why you were next to my door in the middle of the night."

Crosshair didn't answer at first.

"Omega told me to talk to you." He finally answered.

You let out a huff, which sounded more like a bitter, breathless laugh.

"So you're here because Omega told you to talk to me? Unbelievable."

Crosshair looked away.

"She told me you were angry at me, so I decided to come see you." He responded, curtly.

"And you couldn't find the guts to talk to me without Omega telling you to? After everything we've went through?" You asked, your eyes pleading.

He looked at the floor.

"I've done things." He started. You knew it was hard for him to accept he was wrong, it was part of his stubborn personality after all. But you weren't going to be easy on him.

"Yes, you have. You've done horrible things."

"And I guess I regret...some of them." He said, clenching his jaw. It was hard for him to accept that.

You laughed bitterly.

"Some of them? You guess? Give me a break, Crosshair. You joined the Empire, knowing they would exploit you. You killed innocent people." You replied, fists clenching.

"Back then, I was being brainwashed."

"Don't give me that shit, you joined to save your own ass. You had a choice, Crosshair."

Crosshair's fists tightened, and so did his jaw.

"I didn't. I was being manipulated." He replied, slightly raising his tone.

"You had your chip removed! You could've stopped it the second you were free from its control!" You said, slowly getting closer.

"I needed you. The Batch needed you. Where were you when-" You were interrupted by Crosshair's sharp voice.

"At that point, the Empire had plans for me. I was able to see the bigger picture that you couldn't." He snarled.

"What the fuck are you talking about?! The Empire just wanted to use you! They never had big plans for you!" You responded.

Crosshair spat his toothpick into the ground.

"That's your problem." He said, finally looking at you.

"You could never see the bigger picture! You always did what you were told and you could never see anything further than your damn nose. I, on the other hand, saw the potential of the plans they had. You, on the other hand, stuck to do what you were told to do like a fucking lap dog." He spat, poison coming out from his words.

There was a pause, where your eyes filled with tears.

"You got my sister killed."

Crosshair groaned, annoyed and pissed.

"She was Force sensitive. You wouldn't believe me if I told you that I tried to get her to run away."

You wanted to punch him, and you tried, but he was always too quick. He pinned your hands in one of his, so that you wouldn't hurt him. Everything that was happening brought you a sense of painful nostalgia, the memories of a happy Crosshair next to you, dreaming of what would happen after the war ended. Now, it was all gone.

"How the fuck am I supposed to believe you?!"

"I'm not asking you to. I just wanted you to know." He responded, his tone calm once again.

"She admired you. She saw you as a big brother." You said.

Your eyes filled with tears, but Crosshair's cold gaze spoke in volumes.

He let go of your wrists, and placed his hands on his pockets as he headed to the floor. It seemed like the 'conversation' about your sister, and everything else was done.

"Did you seriously believe that I would want to continue our relationship after what you've done?" You asked, bitterly.

The marksman stopped in his tracks.

"No." He finally replied.

"It's over, Cross." You said, the nickname bringing up old and almost forgotten memories.

"But I'm sure it was over a long time ago, was it?"

Crosshair stayed quiet, and sighed.

"Yes. Yes, it was."

He opened the door, and left. You stood still, alone in the living room of your small cottage before your knees gave up.

To think that, if you had actually forgiven him, you could've actually been happy with him besides you.

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I've disappeared for a while, but I'm back :p

I may edit it in a future, but I'm not sure.

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