WSB Life Lessons - Blog Posts

Kids are fucking weird dude. A four year old just came into my room to check if I’m working as I said and corrected my pronunciation because she thinks I pronounce ‘girls’ wrong. She then proceeds to just leave with a ‘good night’ and a wave.

It’s 7 pm.

She has done this 5 times in a row now, where she just comes into my room, checks on me and then leaves after a couple of questions.

I think the FBI might be missing their latest recruit.

Life just makes so much more sense at 3am.

Can’t explain it, it just does.

Maybe I’m sleep deprived but I probably wouldn’t give a shit since my mind is uninhibited like the members of barenaked ladies.

Watching those restoration videos on YouTube and commenting hoping that one of those creators will entertain the possibility of restoring the shattered pieces of my sanity back together once this year ends.

Never do I regret my life choices more than when there is an impending exam/deadline on the horizon.

Therapy is nice and all but have you ever made drastic life choices in response to the shit you put yourself through out of sheer procrastination?

Keep hearing about everyone picking up a new skill during the lockdowns and well I’m proud to announce that I can now successfully unravel and re-ravel my self at will.

I’m tired of finding my own way in life, I’d like a glow-in-the-dark map right about now.

Watching big cats meow and purr feels weird because it would be similar to watching mob bosses do the baby voice.

“Hey fuckface, get off my property.”

“Not until you return my limited edition Ben 10 watch with the camo strap.”

“Already sold it, what ya gonna do?”

“Hope you like your phone flushed down the toilet.”

Exit stage right.

I’m right and I should say it

Out of all the things to fast track in life, I went for a mid-life crisis.

My sister just tried to screenshot her favorite kpop star cutout onto a background screen for a game on Twitter for no reason and ended up dialing emergency services.

Consequences.

There are two types of people:

Type A: Life is a mess but every app on the phone is categorized into neat folders and knows exactly which folder to navigate to for an app.

Type B: Got life figured out but the phone is an unholy mess waiting to erupt like a dormant volcano. Knows where to find stuff, but anyone else trying to navigate is just heading towards a level 7 migraine.

Me: I don’t have any seemingly recognizable human emotions that you could pin me under. I’m impenetrable and indecipherable. The ultimate warrior archetype.

Also me: listens to 6lack at 2am imagining a bad breakup and craving a booty call to supress these sudden feelings.

Huh.

Remember that time in 2012 when we all thought the world was going to end and did some unredeemable embarrassing shit to celebrate the end of times?

Yeah. Same.

Did a little soul searching...I am in fact, a narcissistic little shit with no concern for consequences but if someone mentions a cat I will build a shelter with my bare hands and protect it from the elements.

Do I have an exam tomorrow? Yes.

Will I sit down and finish my reading and be proactive and prepare for tomorrow? No.

Or will I ingest toxic amounts of coffee and chocolate and leave the rest up to whichever deity the internet believes in to help me out? Absolutely.

So yes, I do fully react to fictional characters doing dumb things with incredulity and rage and then turn around and encourage myself to place my hands on a burning stove....what are you trying to say?

I run on sex, sleep, chocolate and anger and if that isn’t wholesome I don’t know what is.

I came here for the jokes, I got indoctrinated into a cursed cult instead.

I hate your guts but here’s some chocolate flavored Yoplait to help you through it.

The weirdest thing about online teaching sessions are that the lecturer is explaining this abstract concept that flies by your head while you lie in bed and check the WhatsApp group where everyone is commenting on his drapes/lighting/interior decoration.

Being a hypocrite is really tiring, pretending to care takes a toll on a person.

I’m still the same asshole I was 10 years ago, I’ve just got bills to pay now.

My sister @ my cat:

“Don’t you have a hobby?”

“Hey....hey.....HEYYYYY.......DIPSHIT”

*Pats the cat aggressively*

“Is she pregnant? She’s fat.”

“Did she eat a dumpster?”

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I’ll head into the kitchen in the dark, get me a glass of water, sigh and whisper ‘hydrated’ into the empty void.

Italians were hella right in combining pasta, olive oil and garlic. I’m convinced that they’ve got eternal truths hidden in their cuisines at this rate.

Just add pecorino to something and your day is made. Or black pepper. Or some fresh tomatoes. And that’s it. Keep it simple and fresh and heavenly.

I’ve been throwing money at the wrong things my whole life.

Put potato chips in the oven and then forgot about them because BBQ flavored just doesn’t cut it anymore I’m going for charred and cracked now.