Sirius And Remus - Blog Posts

plot: sirius got dumped.

james: do you feel like you weren’t enough? is that why you feel so choked by your emotions?

sirius: i know i’m not enough, otherwise he wouldn’t have left me.

marlene: did you get the weird breathing trouble yet?

sirius: what, asthma? i’ve had that for ages.

james and marlene: *burst out laughing*

sirius: *gives in and starts laughing through his tears*

people who were killed after dying:

1- dumblewhore: by all the marauders collectively, but lead by james.

2- peter pettigrowsomeballsplease: by sirius black and strangely regulus black too.

3- snivellus snape: by lily evans because “how dare you sacrifice my husband and son but ask for me to be spared?”

4- remus lupin and mary macdonald: they were suffocated by a hug from all the marauders.

sirius: i feel like i absorb the positive energy from the people around me.

remus: so you’re kind of like a dementor?

sirius: no, i don’t suck the joy out of people.

remus: debatable.

sirius: WHATDOYOUMEAN?!

modern au: the marauders all live and study together at a muggle university, but they’re going through ‘two weeks’ of online classes.

marlene: *bursts into the living room, laptop in hand where james, sirius and dorcas are sitting*

marlene: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE THE MEETING?

sirius: THE TA TRIED TO PUT ME IN A BREAK OUT ROOM WITH STRANGERS AND IM NOT HAVING ANY OF THAT.

marlene: COME BACK TO CLASS, YOU PUSSY.

sirius: IF YOU’RE GONNA CALL ME A PUSSY, YOU BETTER PUT ‘EATER’ AFTER IT. MY WAY- MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!

remus: *unmuting himself and speaking*

remus: sirius, you’re gay and marlene, learn how to mute yourself.

headcanon:

sirius black’s nervous tick is chewing on the tip of his middle finger, but his rbf makes him look like he’s purposely flipping everyone off.

-1975-

james: snape will never have a love life.

remus: someone’s bound to find him…tolerable.

james: how about we place a bet?

remus: 5 galleons.

-1993-

remus: *takes one look at snape, and immediately runs out, looking up at the sky*

remus: COME BACK YOU ARSE, I OWE YOU 5 GALLEONS!

sirius: *places a newly rolled blunt on the street*

sirius: it’s a highway…get it? highway? cause blunt and road…y’know?

james: *throws his shoe at sirius*

lily: *hexes him bald*

remus: *takes off his wedding ring and places it in sirius’ hand*

regulus: *updates his insta bio to ‘only child’*

plot: severus is confronting sirius after getting drenched with charmed water balloons.

severus: there’s a special place in hell just for you.

sirius: *placing his hand on his chest dramatically and wiping away a fake tear* f-for me? a special place in hell JUST for ME? that’s so sweet, so kind, and so welcoming.

james: hey…what if mike was actually short for micycle?

lily: it’s 3 in the morning, and i swear to merlin if you don’t shut up, you will wake up without a tongue.

james: *mumbling* sirius would’ve found it funny…

lily: then by all means, go sleep with him instead.

plot: mother james is nagging sirius to get his transfiguration essay done.

james: it’s due TOMORROW MORNING, and it’s 9:15 pm, get a move on already!

sirius: well you said it yourself, it’s 9:15…which is basically 9:30 which means that it’s almost 10:00 and i really have to be in bed by 11:00. so…i haven’t the time to do anything, really.

me: i don’t chase, i attract.

the guy i like: *exists*

me:

plot: the slytherins are failing to get into the gryffindor common room to get sirius and james who just pulled another prank on them, while the two potter boys blast “insane in the brain” by cypress hill.

james: *dancing on a table* cops, come and try to snatch my crops.

sirius: *twerking by the portrait hole* these pigs wanna blow my house down.

remus lupin would 100% wear sandals with socks and think it’s peak fashion, sue me.

james potter is the type of guy to clap when the plane lands, i said what i said.