Snacking With Mama

Scary Percy this, Scary Will that (don’t get me wrong, I love Scary Will)… y’know what I’ve yet to see anywhere? Scary Frank. And let me tell you, that is a shame. Because like, this man has the potential for some literal horror movie action.

NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.

But then you realize you have an AO3 account and free will 👀

you read ONE fic about a minor character in canon and then you get obsessed and realize that author is one of the few people writing fics for that character... absolute HELL

Oooh, fuck, this is giving me ideas

Welp, time to open up the ol’ google doc and outline another thingy instead of working on my WIPS

HOUGH I NEED a fic with TOA Apollo (god of truth, prophecy, medicine, hunting) having a stint as a Private Investigator in a very overdramatic, eccentrically “him” way with Meg McCaffery as his partner (and muscle. And person with connections to the Triumvirate’s whole crime deal) being assigned stuff by the police being rude and nasty who clearly just want him to incriminate someone specific / close the case / cover up their shady stuff, so he goofs around, casually breaks reality and mocks old detective shows and Film Noir stuff to mess with them and generally waste their time and money BUT comes to the actual conclusion with incredible detail and accuracy so that they can’t COMPLAIN or argue against him AND THEN is very purposefully empathetic, gentle and efficient with cases for other people who are looking for and need help (in a very Columbo way. ACTUALLY OML INSTEAD OF REFERENCING HIS WIFE APOLLO CONSTANTLY REFERS TO HIS HUSBAND HYACINTHUS AND IT’S VERY UNCLEAR WHETHER HE’S ALIVE OR NOT (TOA paradox of Hyacinthus tuxedo)!)

it works really well! He would:

have good knowledge of analysing a crime scene bc medicine,

find people and put himself in suspects’ shoes bc hunting,

interrogate very very easily bc truth (again mostly he just messes with the actual culprit),

have hunches about where they might be bc prophecy,

be dramatic enough to loudly announce twists,

knows plenty of interesting people to “know a guy” (other gods, his children old and young, exes),

be beautiful enough and slutty enough (with love) to sustain a romantic subplot / inevitable tension (divorced) with “guys he knows” that he must dramatically call in despite their “complicated past” because he has “no other choice”. I could go on.

and Meg constantly resisting his dramatics and as the plot convenient way to resolve any emotional drama with Apollo (“but Meg, what if he hates me!” “Shut up. Do it.” “Okay! 😊”) and stop him going off on tangents if he drifts TOO far. It’s great!

Fuck zodiac signs, what’s your favorite cephalopod?

I’ll go first: either the blue-ringed octopus, the mimic octopus, or the colossal squid.

Dammit

It's been 7 long years.

The final season of Percy Jackson and the Olympians has just begun to release.

The Ares and Apollo cabins are in a dispute over ownership for the flying chariot.

The counselors sit around a table in the Big House.

Percy has just learned that he's (probably) gonna die in the next month, when Clarisse and Michael begin to bicker. Percy has had it up to here.

He starts clapping rhythmically. There is a lull in the room as they stare at him.

He claps faster.

"Oh golly, the road's getting bumpy, cause I've got me some friends who just can't get along-"

Grandpa’s Gonna Sue the Pants Off of Santa

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

One crucial thing to know about me is that about 70% of my headcanons are either chosen or conceived solely on the basis of “Wait that’s fucking hilarious, that’s canon to me now.”

It was an accident :(((