I paint with my pencil graphite on paper heart on display an image, a word evoke emotion but will never mean what it did to me when it occurred. Just a reminder a place holder in time a memory as art.
This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years.
If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life.
Ill grit my teeth and bare your pain.
but you wont remember me.
all I was, this life, my tragedy.
a delicate balance, definition of fragility.
though planted feet I loose stability.
its hard to breath drowned in humility.
all the words I took for granted.
Even while trying I cant imagine.
I just want to say Im sorry.
all the words that flow through me, never ending verbal sea. none of which amount to anything... not near what I think they mean. All these thoughts Above me circling. pondering if, and what if there was... some meaning? What could it be. What will this bring? wounds in mending. shaping me. Tear it down, now build it up. break my heart but you cant break me. no matter how close you think I seem.
Im getting old. The more you pay attention to time the more it matters to you. Hindsight is 20/20. maybe it wouldnt have been hind if Id have had my head on right. Though the past it cant be helped like our hearts had surely hoped. the future is a mystery fumbling in the dark with eyes closed. Grasping for the handles on the doors left wide open. Not in hurried disarray but with excitement and discovery. may fear be what I leave behind. Nothing in my pockets and nothing in my way.
I looked in the mirror today. There was a stranger standing there, with familiar bone structure. I almost recognized him. He waved. He didnt say whether it was a hello or good bye. I wasnt sure. He wouldnt make eye contact, though I was looking right at him. I dont think he was from around here. He felt as though he belonged to another galaxy. There was nothing I could do. I turned… and walked away. No matter where you go, you take yourself with you. and I closed the door. and no one has heard from me since.
I still feel her ghost inside me. numbing sting,I thought would subside by now. I wore my self out. you burned me down. and I was happy. down that road we always drove.I loved it then, but wish to forget it now. those songs we sang never meant more. all that I was somehow turned to ruin, and into nothing... and no more. swept and trampled under the rug. my morals walking out the door behind me. back turned. I didnt care.I dont know how. but all I have to blame is love. no no. it was you my dear. that wasnt love. but I still swallow that knot of rage. that gulp of pain. willingly for you. theres no more I can do. No not for you. no not for you. even if I wanted to. but Im confused. like cattle. I was herded. left undone and deserted. I was more than scared. and Im still scared. a golden tongue a raised right hand, blasphemy. I never even knew. why, just explain to me. just one time. time to put my writhing mind at peace. its ok. ill be ok. its ok. now I keep you as memory, like a melody I cant shake from my history. a tale better told as fantasy end tragedy. or maybe played out on the big screen. but not to me. no not to me. I hope one day... just so you know.. it was the end of that life. and as weak as I am I didnt do it. Always stronger than I think and more than youd credit me. With no one to guide me I flew into the sun. I am not your savior. a knight with no armor. but a castle around my heart. but theres still ways in. though Ive heard it haunted. The sun will shine again and burn away the shadows. leaving only scars. no pain. just reminders of the hardest battles never won. to remind you how you lived through everything you thought would have you come undone. and with that you realize. Ive already ...
#justjesusythings