Why Do You Blame The Germans?

Y'all forgot to add Otto, but it's still so funny 🤣🤣🤣

😂😂

Source: @drmfxl (Twitter)

Content: domestic Simon ''Ghost'' Riley, husband!Simon, massages, fluff, A LOT of ass smacks because this man has a whole ass bakery.

Simon sat quietly next to you on the couch, mind reeling with the stress from the mission he just came back from, gaze distant and focused on staring ahead. You know better than to take it personal, aware that he simply needs time to unwind and process he's back home, safe and sound.

''Would you like a massage?'' You offer with a small smile, noticing how his muscles seem more tense than usual, bulging out of his clothes even more. He's quiet for a few seconds before looking at you, managing to return a half-smile and nod in agreement. Your hands hold his, trying to pull him out of the couch and being unable to— the asshole is making himself heavier on purpose, a smug smirk painting his lips at the thought of annoying his wife.

You pull harder, grunts escaping your lips because he's just too damn heavy.

''Simon.'' One stern look is all it takes for him to willingly get up from the couch, playfully swatting your head out of the way before running away once you try to kick his ass, running right after him while a small laugh escapes your lips. You crash on his back, purposely pushing him face-down in bed before smacking his ass, dragging a quiet, muffled laugh out of him.

You remove his muddy boots, helping him get out of his clothes until he's stripped down to his boxers, still laying face-down in bed, trusting you completely with his body. You get a bottle of massage oil from the closet, landing another playful slap on his rear before straddling him, sitting on his ass as you began spreading the oil all over his back. He let out a grunt at the spank, but didn't bother protesting, too distracted by the sensation of the cold oil being spread all over his tense muscles.

Your hands work wonders soon after, kneading and applying pressure on every single one of his muscles, slowly getting rid of the knots and tension in his body. He laid in bed with his head turned to the side, eyes closed as he relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of your hands working over his muscles, low moans leaving his lips sometimes at the pressure applied on his back muscles.

20 minutes is all it took to get rid of most of the knots on his back, planting a gentle kiss on the side of his head before giving him another one on the cheek, getting a grunt in response from the half-asleep man.

''I love you.'' You whisper in his ear, using the leftover oil on your hand to massage his bicep.

''I love you too, sweet girl.'' He manages to reply, voice groggy and deeper as he tried to stay awake to spend more time with you. A small giggle leaves your lips when you see his struggle, getting off of him and jokingly playing bongos on his ass, looking at the muscle and fat giggling underneath your touch.

''God, your ass is so perfect.'' Your tone is playful, but he's no stranger to you worshipping his body, a small smile on his lips at your words.

''S'all yours.'' He mumbles sweetly, voice still gravelly and coarse as he allowed you to do as you pleased with him. Another gently spank is delivered to his ass before you lean down, biting one of his asscheeks— not hard enough to hurt him, but hard enough for him to feel it. His muscles twitch from the sudden sensation before he relaxes, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he turns to look at you with a smug grin.

A/N: I don't wanna kms anymore so here's some tender Simon instead of angst efbhjfehbj<3 writing some rimming stuff soonish AND I'm going back into writing nasty sinful monkey sex more :3

"The Brothers Grimm were important contributors to popular cultural European literature" and "The Brothers Grimm were violently antisemitic and misogynistic" are two facts that can and should coexist with each other.

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Reblog the writers’ fortune cookie for luck!

when one piece said "existing is not a crime" and when it said "thank you for loving me" and when it said "tell me you want to live" and when it said "being alone is worse than being hurt" and when it said "you're my friend" and when it said "someday you will find kind people" and when it said "there are people out there who will love you" and when it said

Do not talk about your abusive family on tiktok. Do not talk about your closeted identity on tiktok. Do not talk about your traumas and mental illnesses on tiktok. Do not talk about your plans to move out from your abusive household on tiktok. Do not talk about the ways you disagree with your bigoted family on tiktok.

Do not attach your face or voice to anything on tiktok that you do not want your family members, neighbors, coworkers, or classmates to see. Be smart and stay safe.

Look at the baby!! 😭🥰🥰❤️

7/15 happy birthday to izuku midoriya!! his final birthday while the series is still ongoing 😭😭😭 i luv u son

Don't feed bread to ducks!

Find out more:

4 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Feed Bread to Ducks (treehugger.com)

Wild Birds Unlimited - Nature Shop (wbu.com)

Do's and Don'ts of Duck Feeding - Maine Audubon

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Lovely

He cut his hand, he did his best 😭

Original meme by @sweepswoop_ from X