Lmao. This Is Them.

I'm glad that everyone in this fandom is a Fuckin Nerd. I'm over here making academic bureaucracy for Mandalore and playing with conlangs until they break. Some of you are inventing space TSA or actually understand how a military works. Others are therapists trying to bring CBT to the masses by way of Obi-Wan whump. I love seeing everyone's special Things™️ in their fics.

Sometimes when Dicks just too tired to deal with the batfam’s shit he starts encouraging them.

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Surrounded by gang members and caught in the crossfire between two gangs

Jason *pulling out a gun* : I’m gonna fucking obliterate all of them

Nightwing: Go right ahead

Jason: .. you serious? I’m not playing Dick I WILL shoot every single one of them in the head

Nightwing: sure.

Jason:

Nightwing: What you want me to start? Okay.

Jason: .. Dick why the fuck do you have a gun? DICK STOP LOADING THE GUN-

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At a stakeout waiting for the proof before intervening

Tim: Why can’t we just force a confession instead of waiting for him to crack?

Stephanie: Ooo or threaten him with blackmail so bad he starts crying!

Duke: Guys *eyes point to Dick sitting in a corner*

Stephanie: Right.. party pooper

Nightwing:

Nightwing: Okay got it.

*heads out*

Duke: No Dick wait! We were joking!

Stephanie: drama queen just needs a minute sunshine- wait is that him approaching the target?

Tim *who’s seen this happen before* *panicking knowing what’s gonna go down* : OH SHIT ABORT-

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Being stuck with a very annoying henchmen who won’t stop talking

Damian: .. Can we simply shut him up?

Nightwing: whatever you wanna do

Damian *narrows eyes*: I can’t ruin my katanna for this

Nightwing: *hands him knife*

Damian:

Nightwing: And remember, the most effective place to silence someone without causing them excruciating pain and also temporarily depriving them of air is right here *points to a small area on the neck*

Damian: ..

Nightwing: .? Go on?

Damian *putting it away* : .. no..

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It works a 1000 times more effectively just because either all of them are bluffing or they’re scared Dick’s not.

A happier galaxy where the disaster lineage is somewhat less on fire constantly and senior padawan Obi-wan has developed a fixation on Mandalorians:

Sometimes Feemor regretted just how much he had given away when he had spent 5 expensive months bribing a traumatised Obi-wan to call him brother when he was 14. His dignity, for one, his access codes and shadow cloaking techniques, another. So he had a very dignified reaction when he was awoken to the shine of his younger brother's eyes in the dark at the foot of his bed. "I wou-stop screaming it's just me-I would like a Mandalorian. How do I procure one?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

Obi-wan scowled as if Feemor was being difficult, he wasn't, he wasn't quite awake enough for that yet. "You're a shadow, you're supposed to know things."

Ah, if being a shadow granted you the secrets of the universe instead of just a great many planetary governments, Feemor wouldn't spend so much time wondering what dark rituals Dooku had committed to result in Qui-gon Jinn. (He already knew what regular rituals Qui-gon had committed to result in Obi-wan)

"I know that I'm about to punt you out of my room right now."

"...My birthday is coming up, I believe I deserve compensation for all the traumas."

Obi-wan's eyes were very big now. Feemor sighed. He flopped back down into bed. He resisted the urge to pull his blankets back up and roll over. 'Oh sure when it's time to see mind healers everything's fine but now-'

"Shouldn't you be asking Master then?"

"Master would not approve of how I plan to use the Mandalorian."

He squinted at Obi-wan for a long moment. Obi-wan stared back. He did some quick mental maths and tried not to feel old. Eh. Fine. Feemor swung his legs out of bed. "You had me at 'Master wouldn't approve'."

"Do you think I could get one by walking into little Keldabe and asking very nicely?"

As it turns out, yes he could. A few too many in fact, apparently Jedi, their ancestral enemy, in the Mando district attracted attention, who knew? Feemor knew, Feemor would have known if only he had been properly awake when this semblence of a plan was proposed. He stalked through the cantina towards Obi-wan who was leaning slightly forwards against a pillar, ah...speaking, to a Mandalorian with painted orange armour while surrounded by a larger crowd of Mandos. At least they seem mostly amused. He ignored the youngers squawk as he yanked the back of his robes so that he moved away from the Mandalorian and spun him around.

"You cannot solve centuries of animosity by batting your eyelashes."

"I'm not batting my eyelashes " Obi-wan sniffed," I'm shaking my ass, there's decidedly more effort involved."

"I miss when I was an only child." Feemor sighed deeply. He used the force to scruff the neck of Obi-wan's robes and dangle him slightly in the air. He ignored the shouting from beside him and bowed politely to the staring Mandos. "My apologies for the disturbance, this will not happ-" He considered his brother who was now yelling out his personal comm code with a wink. " Please excuse us, this very probably will happen again, we shall workshop it. May the force be with you all."

I don't have a fully planned AU but it is Codywan!!! cause I love those bitches but have some more dialogue I came up with for this AU. I'm imagining them both as like 20-23, Obi's close to knighthood. He's still a padawan for this because I think him causing Qui-gon headaches is funny. Feemor fully thinks this complicated courtship dance Obi's created is funny, he likes studying his little brother like a bug, he just wasn't prepared for him to just waltz into little kelbade and start hitting on people, though he really should have been.

Hand wavy timeline with Jaster alive but the clones are still clones, Jango was kidnapped and held in stasis or something, Jaster claimed them as Mandos. This is really just about Obi's first and biggest diplomatic achivement being friendly Jedi-Mando relations purely cause he was in his thot era. This also somehow saves the galaxy from the sith.

I like to imagine that Cody's brothers recorded that little exchange between Fee and Obi on their helmets and uploaded it online where it went viral on MandoNet before going viral galaxywide because wait holy shit is that a Jedi saying that????. Qui-gon gets called in for a very weird meeting where the council's like ok so the entire holonet has seen your padawan being horny on main but also this is like the biggest jump in our diplomatic relationship with the Mandos in centuries so like can we keep this up somehow? This results in Obi-wan being holonet famous, first through vode recordings but then he starts a space tumblr and twitter account and he's famous now. Then his friends and other jedi start accounts because wait we're allowed to do that? and those become big as well and this is literally the best PR the jedi have had in hundreds of years. the holonet loves them. the sith are fuming.

Obi-wan, scoffing: What were they gonna do? Shoot me? Feemor: Yes. Obi-wan: I don't believe in blasters. Bly: ...like as a concept...? Obi-wan: No, spiritually.

Obi-wan: I'm sure there's a nice Mandalorian we can find for you Feemor: I'm not sure those 2 words belong together Obi-wan: No of course not, we can't find a nice one, then they'd be all alone, we need to find an absolute bastard of one so that you two match :)

Obi-wan: Oh so Master gets to take in pathetic life forms but I don't? This one's already domesticated! Wolffe: Debatable. Feemor: Cody's a person! Not a stray tooka! Obi-wan: Master takes in stray people all the time! That's how he got me!

Qui-gon: How do you explain this behaviour Padawan ? Obi-wan: The force pushed me towards the Mandalorians Master, it was quite insistent on me developing better relations with them given our difficult history. Feemor: Fascinating, please do elaborate, I'd love to hear the theological implications of a force-assigned kink.

Nothing to say. Just wanna spread this to my followers.

Harbinger of Chaos who??

i just think this looks cool as fuck and i encourage all of you to read this comic. Its AWESOME. Has got to be my favorite so far

Oh…fuck..

AND SHE’D DO IT AGAIN!

Can I just say that…I LOVE HOW I DID DONNIE 😫😫😫 so shpooky yknow??? Also I’m back to possibly double pages after this one!

First | Next | Previous

I just want people to see this. That’s it.

I'm so back in the flow for this au and I have the wonderful @hersheyotaku to thank for that, we've been snowballing so many fun ideas back and forth together in the last couple of days, it's been a blast!

Impulse, stepping into the room: oh, you’ve gotten smarter then.

Everyone else, horrified and confused: what????

Impulse, widening his eyes and tilting his head innocently: what?

One day, for shits and giggles, Bruce asks the JL which of his kids they think has the highest kill count. Naturally everyone assumes it’s Bruces estranged Crime Lord son. Other’s assume it’s his literal ex-assassin child.

Bruce, whips out a PowerPoint with statistics and next to Tim’s name is just a question mark.

“I know it’s Tim,” Bruce finally says, “I just don’t have enough evidence to back it up.”

The JL is ready to defend this kid, because he doesn’t seem the type, but Red tornado, who was a den mother for the young Justice team, and flash, who has a great relationship with his family both nod along with bruce. Which is a relief, because Bruce swears he’s being gaslit by his third youngest. Bruce still loves him, but Tim is crazy(affectionate) and no one else seems to see it.

Jason: what? No!

Tim: why not? If B’s not here then I should be allowed to do things too.

Jason: wait-no- what?

Tim: We can't kill him! What would Batman say!

Jason: Batman's not here.

Tim: Excellent point, hand me the gun

saving for when ao3 returns.

Newscapepro SCP Rewrite, Llama of Love

“Cory!” Dr. Patience said in his incredibly high pitched voice that Cory did not want to hear at 9AM on a Tuesday. “You’re late for your training!”

“Ugh… I’ve been a Private for like a month now, why do I still need to do training?” Cory complained as he leaned on one of the lab tables near a metal safe.

“Because you know basically nothing about Skips after a whole month of being here!” Patience scolded. “Thankfully for both of us this next one is-”

Nikole suddenly barged into the room. “It’s me I’m here, chaperoning again cause Triana’s on a… meeting,” Nikole cleared her throat. “What are we lookin’ at this time, Doc?”

“That’s… what I was getting to,” The Doctor sighed as he opened up the crate, shoved his hands in and placed the two person, sneaker wearing Llama costume on the ground.

“It’s… a Llama costume,” Cory deadpanned. “I think I know why this one isn’t dangerous,”

Doc pinched his glasses. “It’s a lot more than that, anyone who enters the costume will believe that they are Larry the Loving Llama,”

“Oh I guess that’s-

“To the point where they die of dehydration in the suit,” Nikole smirked, having successfully annoyed the Scientist. “Probably should’ve told him that too,”

“I was getting to that!”

“Oh… that’s a lot less cool,”

Dr. Patience sighed again. “Admittedly, yes; we’re still gonna have a couple of D Class demonstrate it,”

“We really don’t treat D Class well here, huh?”

“Eh, they’re all murderers, or arsonists, or forum trolls,” Nikole shrugged. “They get fed better in The Foundation than they woulda in prison anyway,”

Cory looked down and puffed out his lips. “I guess…”

The two D Class walked in, neither was exactly the most scrupulous looking man; in fact one looked like he had just exited a knife fight like 15 minutes ago.

“Alright, for this test I need you two to enter this Llama costume,” Patience smiled. “That is all,”

“This is humiliating,” Mr. Knife Face said as he put on the legs.

“Yeah well, you beat your wife to death with a 2 by 4,” Nikole stared at the D Class.

“Alright, fair,”

Eventually, the two D Class entered the two person’d costume… it sat limp for a short moment and then instantly shot to life; standing up on all fours like a real Llama!

“Well hey there y’all; I’m Larry, Larry the looooooooooooving Llama!” It cheered.

A big smile grew on Cory’s face, no one else’s though. “Wow! I changed my mind this is really cool!”

“I haven’t,” Nikole leaned on one of the tables as she took a swig from her flask.

The Llama jumped in front of Nikole, the shock caused her to drop her flask and spill the contents in the floor “Woah there pal, don’tcha know that drinking is bad for you?” He looked at the multicoloured puddle produced from the flask. “Especially whatever that is…”

“What I do with my time doesn’t concern ya!” She grumbled as she picked up the flask.

Dr. Patience cleared his throat, interrupted the possible argument. “What can you do, Larry?”

“I’m glad you asked random old man! I can dance, I can sing, and I can play all kinds of pranks!”

“Pranks!?” Cory yelped in excitement. “Wait… what if we pranked called Triana right now?”

“Now that sounds like fun!”

“That doesn’t seem like a-”

“Hell yeah!” Nikole cheered as she tossed her phone to Larry. “Do it now, c’mon!”

Triana, the soon to be prankee was sitting inside of a relatively nice cafe across from her girlfriend, wearing the nicest clothes she had (Consisting of an old leather jacket, an old band shirt that she borrowed from Lara and some slacks) as her phone rang.

“Hello?” She exited her lovey dovey conversation with Lara as she put her phone to her ear. “Nikole, you there?”

“Hey, is your refrigerator running?” The Llama asked.

“Wh- Who is this? Who the-”

“Is your refrigerator running,”

“I should kick your fucking ass right now,” Triana gritted her teeth. “Who is this?”

“...Well then you better catch it!” The Llama, along with Cory and Nikole laughed as he hung up.

“Nikole? Nikole you little… ughh…” Triana sighed as Lara walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“You good, Tri?”

The Lieutenant Sighed. “Yeah, just a prank call,”

“Ugh… coworkers amirite?” Lara shrugged, Triana sighed again; more of a joyful sigh as she looked at her hoodie wearing girlfriend, probably also the nicest thing she had.

“Difference is that my coworker’s lives are in my hands,”

“I’m mission control, Tri, how do you think I feel?” The two women chuckled as Lara went back to sitting; a waiter walked up to the two of them. She had long black hair and brown eyes with somewhat large bags. “Hey, what do you want?”

“Uh… fucken er…”

“Two burgers, one side of fries,” Triana interrupted, then smirked at Lara as the waiter wrote down their order and left.

Lara crossed her arms and pouted. “I would’ve gotten it eventually,”

“Suuure,” Triana rolled her eyes.

“Kinda sucks that we gotta go straight back to work after this,” Lara complained. “I mean shit, we need a vacation at some point!”

“We only get one vacation and it’s-

“Retirement, yeah…” Lara rolled her eyes and chuckled. “God, you sound like The General, dude,”

“I’m back, here’s your food, bye” The waitress placed the plates on the table then left as Triana handed her the money.

“Speaking of The General,” Lara said, a mouthful of fries in her mouth so Triana could barely understand her. “When do you think he’s gonna make us do another mission?”

“Tomorrow, it’s one of the less dangerous ones thankfully,” Triana gave a thumbs up. “Didn’t give me much more information though,”

“Well that’s helpful…” Lara looked down. “Also speaking of uh… not giving information when are we gonna tell everyone else about… us?”

Triana looked Lara in the eyes, the first time she had looked this serious in awhile. The Lieutenant cleared her throat as she finished chewing her food. “S-Soon, I promise this time,”

“Please do, I-I suck at lying you know that more than anyone,”

“Yeah, I just don’t want it to get in the way of any missions, honey,” Triana mumbled.

Lara sighed. “Fair, fair; I just think they deserve to know, Tri,”

“I do to…” Triana stood up and tiptoed over to her girlfriend; planting a quick peck on her cheek. “Love you,”

“Eh, l-love you too,” Lara turned beet red. “I suddenly c-can’t wait to go back to base now… heh,”

“Oh, you dirty little,”

Bruce: ANOTHER assassin?!

Tim, so done with EVERYTHING: this close. /this/ close B.

Tim, talking to Ras in front of the batfamily: I WANT you to leave me alone! AND IF I HAVE TO KILL ANOTHER ASSASSIN TO GET THE POINT ACROSS-

Bruce: Woah, woah, What!?

Tim, defeated: I am losing my mind, B.