I Love This!!!

Prompt 89

 The young justice team is in a bit of a pickle. It had been a usual mission, Klarion causing mischief again, before someone had mentioned the date. 

 The literal chaos lord had shrieked, stopping his attack, and asked for clarification. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea because one moment they were in Happy Harbour, and the next they’re somewhere else with green everywhere and floating islands. 

 And Klarion doesn’t explain- not that they were expecting him to- and just bolts into a… wow that is a very big and scary looking castle. Keep? Honestly it’s if someone combined a gothic citadel with a clocktower of some sort. 

 Not important, because they had chased after Klarion who uh… Oh no, that is a Very big entity, that is two Very Big entities that could crush them in their fingers. And they are now stuck in this place seeing as the portal closed behind them. 

 Honestly Klarion is happy he made it home before curfew! Even if he had to bring his sort-of-friends with him to make it in time. It’s not his fault, he’s not used to having a guardian, nevermind two! Not to mention siblings, which he’s now the oldest of too, so he has to be a positive influence. Like teaching them how to properly do chaos without destroying a world. 

 Oh, but this is perfect anyway, one of his dads has been wanting to talk to the speedsters anyway, and his other dad is still under house arrest for the whole, trying to take over the living realm thing. But that’s not important, he has little siblings to introduce! 

Bruce: ANOTHER assassin?!

Tim, so done with EVERYTHING: this close. /this/ close B.

Tim, talking to Ras in front of the batfamily: I WANT you to leave me alone! AND IF I HAVE TO KILL ANOTHER ASSASSIN TO GET THE POINT ACROSS-

Bruce: Woah, woah, What!?

Tim, defeated: I am losing my mind, B.

bruce would be fucking HILARIOUS in his idgaf era just imagine:

bruce: come home

jason: what? so you can throw me in--

bruce: no, just come home. i want you home, so come home.

jason: i'm not fallin for this shit!

bruce: i no longer care about all of *points between himself and jason* this mess. i want to go home, play monopoly with my kids and be mad about the lot of you cheating. that is what i want, so that is what will happen.

jason: you're being ridiculous.

bruce: frankly, i dont give a fuck. now, what piece do you want, the hat or the car?

jason:....

bruce:.....

jason: the car.

bruce: fantastic, be home in 10.

When Arrox learned that humans were on world he expected liars, smugglers, murderers, or worse. He wasn’t expecting a pair of generally kind hearted beings.

Mahl, as one of the humans-the one with golden hair and eyes the color of the Gaien sky- insisted on being called, is a doctor. He helps, again and again and again. He never turns anyone down, dirtying his hands with the blood of people who can’t pay and instead taking favors or small tasks.

Ivan, the human with silver colored hair and green eyes, is something called a ‘veteran’. He steps between beings and their would-be attackers constantly. He looms behind kind elders who are often taken advantage of.

The pair are well liked, even more so when word gets out that the Gaien government is going to be sending aide to a planet a system away. The two disappear with smiles goodbyes, promises of souvenirs, and reminders of keeping safe.

The humans said "We sent our very best to the stars."

Well we looked at what they sent: And thought, if that's their best, what are their worst like? They were scavengers and opportunists, fast talking con artists, barely restrained psychopaths with mayhem on their mind.

Honestly we were expecting the worst: That 'human' would be a curse word, that we'd have to root them out painfully and banish them back to their dirty heavy world.

But they cleaned up Antichor. They dredged the oceans, got the ecosystem back up, cleaned the mine lakes, remediated the sludge swamps, turned the hulks into gleaming ingots.

"We knew how. We had the experience." They said.

The humans started showing up in the weirdest places. Conflicts of all sorts... and they always had questions. "Why are you doing this? What if tehy did this. What if you did that?" And it was so odd - Within weeks of the Humans showing up, common ground would be found, or reasons to get along would appear.

"Well, we're used to it. We know how to deal with conflict." They said.

And the human liars, dressed in bedazzling clothes, singing and laughing... They spun lies! For entertainment! Of better worlds, and drama, of excitement, of adventure. Thay made such spectacles - Fire in the sky of a thousand colours - smoke and lasers, costumes and music, feats of synchronised movement the Civil Worlds had barely imagined could be performed by any being let lone these strange humans...

"We know how to have a good time!" They said.

When there was a nasty little war of expansion over on the Veran worlds, we thought we'd be barely in time to document the mass graves and the scraps of planetary genocide. Expansion wars are the worst of crimes but what can you do? The settlers who are squatting on the graves of the people who came before aren't usually the ones who ordered the invasion or carried it out. And there's always some justification that can be argued over for centuries: none of which brings the dead back.

We were horrified to find the Human fleet there. Finally proof that the Humans were the worst sort of mercenary.

But the ships had aid: Shelters and food. Medical personnel. And those that did fight did so under strange rules that allowed for surrenders and retreats in good faith.

The Verans talked of the Arnath Invasion fleet: Unstoppable, claiming thier worlds before they even landed, their leaders ranting and cursing those who lived there - But then the Humans arriving like heroes of legend, in flame clad dropships, spending their lives hard, making the Arnath throw incredible effort to get nowhere... Of the mighty Rangers, each one a hero. The Bulwark infantry who wouldn't yield a single step until the civilians had been evacuated. The Medical teams as caring as any, who'd stand and fight as hard as a soldier to protect their patients.

And even before we arrived, the Arnath were losing - Humans arriving on their world and asking "Why?". Arguing with the Archons with the skill of philosophers, litigating on behalf of the Verans with cunning arguments. The clowns and entertainers with unexpected savagery, showing the population their own "heroic" soldiers burning crops and firing on children, turning the population against thier bloody handed leaders.

The soldiers returning, not hailed as heroes, their crimes documented.

"We know these crimes. We won't stand for them." The humans said.

And we started to wonder... what else did they know?

What we know now is... you can always ask the Humans, because they always send their best.

The first time that the 3rd Robin didn’t get into a fight is the only time any goon was stupid enough to aim for him instead of the Bat. Robin waking up mid-beat-down and throwing himself between the men and Batman is the only reason they’re still alive.

Tim, inspecting his nails like a teenage girl: it’s not MY fault your sense of humors trash.

Superman: Okay, why are you mad at eachother

Conner: Because someone thinks it's funny to jump off buildings and force me to catch them!

Tim: It is funny.

Fox: The guard doesn't really do Jedi.

Thorn: What do you call that then?

Looks over towards the tables where a Ten year old Padawan is enthusiastically explaining his life goals to a large chunk of the guard.

Anakin: And then once you're all free from Depur and his Sleemo Senators then you guys can go do whatever you want, there's a whole galaxy out there you know? And one day I'm gonna see all of them and it's gonna be totally Wizard and And maybe some of you can come with me and-

Fox: He's our Jetti'ika, doesn't count

Like… Anakin literally almost left Palpatine multiple times cause Obi Wan was in danger… this man could’ve been made Emperor if he had even HINTED at it..

Obi-Wan being star wars' biggest damsel in distress while also being one of the most powerful jedi ever is so funny to me. Like he's getting captured on purpose. That has to be whats happening. "Oh nooo ive gotten tied up by somebody who's obsessed with me again!!looks like someone equally obsessed with me has to swoop in and save me :33" He's the pillow princess of warfare

Dick: the only reason I haven’t is because I fear for the doctors there.

Tim: oh please. I’m not the Joker.

Kon, suddenly in the middle of stopping a robot: he’s much worse.

Lex, confusion evident on his face: what?

Tim after saying something extremely worrying turns to Dick immediately after

Tim: Please don't put me in a mental hospital

Dick: I'm not gonna lie to you, I consider it sometimes

I’ve looked back at old messages of me threatening to ‘castrate you and make you WISH you’d been born with a vagina’ to a friend and I was horrified because I had GENUINELY forgotten that he friend I was talking to was ftm… I showed him the old messages and he had laughed because he knows that I forgot that he didn’t HAVE a duck…

reading old messages is really fucked up because you see things and you’re like i would not fucking say that